5 Ways to Make Sex More Mindful (and Better)

Do you know what the most powerful sexual organ in your body is? Here’s a hint: it defies gender barriers. That’s right, it’s your mind. If your mind isn’t in on the game plan, you can shower yourself in all the rose petals and chocolate-covered strawberries you want, sexual arousal will remain pretty elusive. And that leads to mediocre sex. We’ve all been there… meh.

Maybe you’ve been tolerating mediocre sex for a while now. Perhaps you’re in a committed relationship and things have become rather routine. Or perhaps you harbor a lot of anxiety and self-pressure around sex and body image. Or perhaps you’ve been feeling a lot of pressure around your orgasm. If sex has lost some of its zeal for you, that doesn’t mean you’ll never have great sex again. It could simply mean that you need to put in some work on yourself.

Sex shouldn’t be just another mundane activity; it should be a glorious celebration. More than most physical activities, good sex is a practice in living exclusively in the moment and demands complete mental openness and availability. At its core, good sex requires truly incredible amounts of mindfulness. So where to start? Here are 5 tips that can help you out of your rut to make sex more mindful… and mind-blowing:

Start meditating

I know meditation doesn’t sound sexy, but it makes a huge difference. A regular meditation practice can improve all areas of your life, including sex. You know that nagging inner voice that expresses judgement, embarrassment and expectation at all hours of the day? The one that tells you that you need to have an orgasm this time, or your partner will be offended? Or putting pressure on yourself to give your partner an orgasm? Screw it. That voice is not helping anybody.

By training yourself to meditate for at least 20 minutes a day, you can learn to tame your mind and lower the volume on that nagging voice. It takes practice, but to be able to exist wholly as yourself in the moment without internal analysis is truly liberating. And that liberation will translate directly into your sexual experience.

Related: 5 Ways to Meditate if Meditation Scares You

Breathe

Breathing is one of the foundations of life, so do more of it (both during sex and otherwise). Inhale and exhale deeply to anchor yourself and calm any anxieties or worries as things start to get frisky. In tantric sex, partners consciously sync up their breath and deepen it together as a way of intensifying and extending a sexual experience. But breathwork isn’t just for tantra. It is paramount for those who have had sexual troubles in their past. If you have experienced any sort of sexual trauma or dysfunction, no matter how long ago, letting your body know that it is currently safe and secure through some deep breathwork is one of the most balancing things you can do. It can make the difference between uncomfortable sex and a truly transformative sexual experience.

Turn off your inner monologue

This is where all that meditation comes in. When you are able to turn off your inner audience and exist in the purity of the moment, your sexual experience skyrockets. Self-judgement, self-criticism and self-deprecation have no place in between the sheets. If you have trouble turning off your mind, try internally repeating a mantra that encourages you to surrender yourself to the moment. Or, when your mind is completely off the rails, shut off the lights and blast your favorite let’s-get-it-on music. Let the music wash over you and really work to hear it rather than focusing on the superhuman over-analysis your mind is surely capable of.

Embrace your vulnerability

No one enjoys feeling vulnerable. But in order to have mind-blowing sex, you have to be entirely open and receptive. You need to practice acceptance not only of your partner, but of yourself. Yes, you may have some cellulite, and your stomach will probably pucker and pooch throughout the duration. Maybe you are wearing your laundry day undies, the threadbare ones that have lost all their elasticity. Guess what, none of that matters one bit! If you have trust, love and respect for your partner, allowing yourself to be a little emotionally and physically vulnerable can be a very good thing. Of course, only practice this when you truly trust your partner.

Tune in to your sensuality

Sensuality, in its most basic definition, means: pleasing or fulfilling the senses. Take stock of your senses for a second: sight, sound, touch, smell, taste. Most of us navigate the world relying heavily on only two of these five. When you’re making love, whether with a partner or on your own, make total sensuality a priority. Focus your attention on the scents, the tastes, the various sensations along your skin. Give your internal censor the night off and allow your mind to experience as many indulgent sensations as it can. Because that is what sex is about—it’s about euphoric sensation. Practice being more mindfully aware of all the sensations you experience.

Mindful sex does not have to feel restrained or withheld. In fact, it shouldn’t. Mindful sex is about embracing the moment in the fullest way possible. And, lucky for us, that leads us right down the path to absolute pleasure.

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55 comments

Marie W
Marie W5 months ago

thanks for sharing

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Ellie M
Ellie M6 months ago

ty

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Paulo R
Paulo R9 months ago

ty

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Paulo R
Paulo R9 months ago

ty

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natasha p
Past Member 9 months ago

more fun if I had a boyfriend.

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Marigold A
Past Member 10 months ago

Remember it's better to give than receive. Maybe YOUR mediocre performance is at fault.

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Paulo R
Paulo R11 months ago

ty

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Paulo R
Paulo R11 months ago

ty

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Past Member
Past Member 11 months ago

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Mike R
Mike R11 months ago

Thanks

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