7 Tips to Fix Your Relationship

By Dr. Susan Heitler for YourTango.com.

If you’ve been feeling frustrated that your relationship is in trouble, don’t panic! Getting professional help from a counseling program or therapist may be important eventually, and it’s an option you should keep in mind. First though, it’s important to try to recharge your battery together. Here are 7 surprisingly effective quick fixes to fix your marriage.

1. Soup Up The Sex
There’s always room for improvement in your sex lives! You can start by setting aside more intimate time. Then, figure out how to make the sex you have even better. For example, add music. Spend more time being affectionate before you hit the bed. Move more and use those pelvic muscles. Even take a look at some how-to sex books. The reality is that sexual connection is the key reset button for elevating the tone of a relationship, in both men and women!

More from YourTango: The 50 Best Marriage Tips, Ever

2. Switch Your Focus
Because eyes look outward it can be easy to fall into the trap of focusing on what your partner does that bugs you. Better, though, to stop trying to change your partner. Re-focus your eyes on insight. Figure out what you can do differently. How would your changes lighten up both of your lives?

3. Do The Math
Focus just on how to add more affection and appreciation into your relationship. Subtract out negatives like criticism, disagreement, blame and complaints.

4. Look Ahead
Focusing on the past risks feeding old resentments and disappointments. Instead, figure out what a great relationship would look like and start acting that way — today. Placing your energy on future goals as a couple will help you create a game plan for getting there.

5. Mind Your 3-Letter Words
Eliminate the word “but” when speaking to your partner. Each time you respond with “but…” you are erasing what you just heard, making your partner feel erased, too. Eliminate “not” too: I’m not pleased, I don’t want to, etc…  Instead, use lots of “Yes!”

More from YourTango: 5 Marriage Mistakes That Lead To Divorce

6. Stay In The Calm Zone
Anger is very off-putting. Sadness is healthy to share, and anxiety too. Anger, by contrast, drives your partner away. If your partner initiates an angry interaction, you’ll be at risk for catching fire, so exit ASAP. Stand up, saying something like, “Excuse me, I need to get a drink of water,” and use your legs to get out of range. When you return, initiate affection and change the topic.

7. Have More Fun
Fun doesn’t have to cost money. Turn on music while you do dishes together. Go outdoors and enjoy the sunshine. Or do just about anything that’s different. New, with a positive attitude, is invigorating.

At some point you also will want to dig deeper to fix the broken pieces in your relationship, especially if they are tough ones like addictions, excessive anger, infidelity, financial problems or communication problems. But it’s helpful to first use the tips above to fix your relationship connection.

More from YourTango: 11 Kinky Sex Ideas For Freaky Fun

Why start this way? The key is to understand what a relationship is — and what makes two people feel connected. Mostly, the vibes you radiate toward each other each when you interact with each other is what makes you feel like “we have a great relationship” or “our relationship needs fixing.” So, use these 7 tips to strengthen the positives in your partnership. Then learn how to talk together about the tough topics and find win-win solutions to them with plans of action. You’ll soon be solidly back on the road to happily ever after.

Susan Heitler, Ph.D., author of The Power of Two book and workbook, invites you to check out PowerOfTwoMarriage.com. Click here and scroll down to the bottom of the page for a free relationship quiz plus three days of free relationship help.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: How To Fix A Relationship With 7 Simple Tips.


Carole R.
Carole R2 years ago

It is worth a try.

Fi T.
Past Member 3 years ago

Worth anything to do so

Roberto Meritoni
Roberto Meritoni3 years ago


Karen Ryan
Karen Ryan3 years ago

Remember to treat others as you would want others to treat you. If you would object to your partner treating you the way you treat your partner, you have some work to do.

.3 years ago

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK!!! i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr Lawrence for bringing back my husband who left i and the kids for almost two months. i am very much grateful to Dr Lawrence . I pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on his email address:drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com or call his mobile 2348143988536

Jana DiCarlo
Jana DiCarlo3 years ago

plus genuine kindness

plus you have to have the right partner....

Janice Thompson
Janice Thompson3 years ago

If this doesn't work, separate.

Tonya Goldberg
Tonya lee3 years ago

Good info. Also avoid "You" statements!

Camilla Vaga
Camilla V3 years ago


John W.
.3 years ago

Good advice :-)