Can You Love Unconditionally?

Loving unconditionally. Giving without expecting anything in return. We all think we should, but most of the time these concepts are just lofty ideals, impossible to achieve no matter how hard we try. Why is it so difficult to love unconditionally?

The reason we cannot love others unconditionally is because we donít know how to love ourselves. How can I give what I do not have? How can I perceive perfection in another, accept them as they are, if I see myself as flawed? The only way to love unconditionally is to first learn to love ourselves.

Ironically, in modern society we have the idea that loving oneself is selfish. Actually, it is selfish to not love yourself, because as long as you reject yourself, judge yourself, and focus on what is wrong, you will be needing something from others: approval, acceptance, recognition. That is being selfish: to take from your loved ones, instead of giving freely. Loving yourself is to stop being selfish, and to start taking responsibility: to take responsibility for your own joy, your own fulfillment. When being with yourself is enough, when your own presence is a pleasure, you can give freely to those around you without clinging, without needing; without taking. When you feel complete within yourself, It is a natural joy to give to others, to serve them in their own self realization and in remembering their own perfection.

The misconception of the ego as someone who is obsessed with their own grandeur just goes to show how lost in our egos we really are: the ego is the voice that convinces us their is something wrong with us, that judges us and keeps us small. It often adopts a false posture of pride and arrogant superiority, but if we cannot see this for what it really is – profound fear and insecurity – it is only because we ourselves are stuck in the same game of self judgment and rejection.

If you want to love unconditionally, first accept that you donít. Accept your conditions, your needs, the contracts you put in your personal relationships. If you cannot be honest with yourself, see yourself as you really are, you will not be able to change. Letís not focus on appearing to be unconditionally loving; letís focus on becoming unconditional love. By embracing yourself as you are, you will become the person you always thought you should be.

Isha Judd is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and author; her latest book and movie, Why Walk When You Can Fly? explain her system for self-love and the expansion of consciousness. Learn more at


Victor M.
Victor M6 years ago

No, it would be madness

Sandy Erickson
Sandy Erickson6 years ago

I think very highly of myself and believe that everyone should.

Emma S.
Emma S6 years ago

Very true about it being difficult to forge a proper relationship with oneself - very easy to confuse self-love with buying oneself presents we can't afford, don't need and are bad for us!

Michele Wilkinson

Thank you

David M.
David M.7 years ago


Katarina L.
Katarina L7 years ago

good to know, tnx. :)

Lynn Porter
7 years ago

To me it is a privilege to serve. I don't expect any payback because the payback I get is better than money or material things. I gain my own spiritual growth and learn valuable lessons.

But, I have also learned the hard way that one of the most helpful thing I can do is to take care of ME. Jesus said that we should love others AS we love ourselves. To me that indicates that we need a healthy love for ourselves before we can love AS we already love ourselves.

Helping those around me is essential to taking care of me. No man is an island unto himself.

Mari Basque
Mari 's7 years ago

giving is NOT the same as loving.........Hello!!

Marianne Good
Past Member 7 years ago

Thank you for sharing!

Gaby Micallef-trigona

What you write is perfectly true. Of course in most relationships one of the partners is 'the more loving one'

If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me

This should be what each of us stives towards