Do You Really Want Happiness?

Unhappy people are always confused when they are told to try and be happy. Their minds are occupied by grievances; there seems to be no room for new experiences that might be uplifting, and even if they came along, they would be seen through the gray haze of one’s misery.

So the search cannot be for happy experiences. Those are already available in abundance. The search is for an opening that allows happiness to become your experience. This opening comes about very differently from the way most people suppose. Most people try to make themselves happy by forcing their unhappy feelings underground, or by turning their backs on them or pretending that they don’t exist.

If you have a closet stuffed with junk, the best way to find room for new stuff is to clean the closet. In this case the closet is the nervous system, and one cleans it out at the level of awareness.

Communicate your desire to be free of this hurt. Ask for inner guidance to The healing process isn’t mystical; it involves well-known practical steps. Look directly at what hurts you and let it show you what to do. Listen to what you feel, but don’t give in to it. Know for certain that you can remove old hurts. Be patient, since you will have to return to your old hurt many times.

Most people feel trapped by their resentments because their behavior runs counter to these steps. They don’t look honestly at their hurt but focus instead on blaming someone outside themselves. They don’t communicate a desire to let go of their anger but keep nursing it. Instead of listening to what they feel in the moment, they replay the same tired reactions from the past. Instead of being patient, they take a few stabs at healing only to conclude that there’s nothing to be done.

Adapted from: Peace Is the Way, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2005).


Bonnie M.
Bonnie M5 years ago

Finding inner peace is a good place to begin. Sometimes, there is too much hurt, anger and vindictiveness that one has to peel off to find some peace. Depression can probably be alleviated when one turns to a spiritual practise- as simple as counting your blessings, let go of hatred and anger. I know this is easier said than done, but take a few moment to reflect on your blessings rather than what you don't have. Feel the love and affection those around you are willing to share with you. Sometimes, you have to learn to live life from a place of gratitude and peace and let go of conflict and a desire to live a life of satisfying material consumerism. Everything we accumulate in this life will not mean a thing when we pass. Acknowledge what you have become, not what you have or have not done.

Sheri J.
Sheri J5 years ago

Happiness takes work. One is to give more than you receive. Give your support to those needed even if you feel like you don't have any for yourself.

Line Merrette
Line M5 years ago

Very interesting

Uma Chernoff
Uma Chernoff5 years ago

Stefanie that's just brilliant and it hits the nail right on the head, exactly. What those self help books forget to include is that once the desire is formed and we have put our whole heart and longing into reaching for it it can only manifest here after it has left our consciousness.

Stefanie Roszkowski

One of the best ways I've found to make myself happy is to distract myself, which is often the complete opposite of what many self-help people would have me do. Mindfulness and acceptance only go so far to help with my debilitating mental illnesses. I'd rather forget about them for a while as I do something that occupies my mind, like watching YouTube videos about religion or competing in battlegrounds in World of Warcraft.

Dot A.
Dot A5 years ago

Happiness is a portion of our emotional experience. It's one that is desirable but extremely personal as to the 'way' each of us feel it. For some, a friendly and loving connection with a friend can stir our happiness emotions. For another, it may be 'winning' something, that makes happiness bubble up! And happiness can be felt when looking at nature, stroking our pets, or resting peacefully after a day's activity. Happiness is subjective, and each of us are seeking our own personal way, towards greater happiness, I presume, and feel it as often as possible, for as has been stated by other commenters, there are limitations in our lives which can oppress our ability to experience happiness in the material-physical realm. However, the spiritual realm can find happiness outside the difficulties and injustices of our manifest world. [ book: Man's Search for Meaning, addresses this most powerfully ] And, from what I can understand about human relationships, it is this 'happiness connection' which bonds us to keep reconnecting for greater happiness and joy in living. (Often, money can by a temporary sense of happiness, but the long lasting happiness is formed in spiritual 'feelings' that are built over time and experience together, which money can only be an expression of gifts and such, but, for those who share pure spirit have as much 'happiness and gifts of feelings' to share which are not purchased thru economic status, but humanity's compassionate emotions)

Zee Kallah
.5 years ago

One thing I learned as a Recovery Support Speciaiist of many years, acceptance of "what is" is vital to recovery and happiness. It is the protesting that gives the pain. This is true of physical, emotional, mental pain. That's why hypnotism, which is dangerous because you give up your own control to another, that's why hypnotism works. Dentists can do tooth extraction, women can give birth with little if any pain through the hypnotized non-resistance to pain. Just accepting what is.

Once you accept, you can rationally form a plan of action to handle almost any life situation.

When I was young, adults would enjoy wiggling their fingers at children and saying "the tickle bugs are going to get you." And the tickle bugs did get you even before fingers touched your belly.

Suggestion! is the most powerful dark force in this bi-polar world.

Victor M.
Victor M6 years ago

Happiness is not a state is a search

Atocha B.
Mary F6 years ago

Thank you!

heather g.
heather g6 years ago

Unhappiness must be a heavy burden to carry around every day. I know one person who is unhappy most of the time and, worst of all, she inflicts her unhappiness on others every day.
That's just plain selfish and self-centred.