Equality Or Lip Service?

By Monica Wilcox

Wow! Can we all agree that last week was a hard kick to the uterus?

I usually hate to write about “hot topics” after they’ve turned cold but the uterus doesn’t really fall into the hot topic category; it’s more of a buried topic; fuming in the coffin, clawing its way out, yet again, to eat the female population alive.  Yes, it may have slunk back into its shallow grave but trust me, it’ll be back. It just keeps creeping back.

And I’m Exhausted By It

First, I was enlightened about the recent bill that was passed by the Virginia Senate forcing women who want to have an abortion to do an ultrasound first. So, if my family happened to move to Virginia and my daughter or I were to become unexpectedly pregnant, we would receive a clear, fluttering image to help us remember this life altering (and what most men could not know is that this is, either way, a life altering) decision. Obviously the State does not believe my capabilities as a mother/woman are enough and since neither of us can be trusted to grasp the sensitivity and importance of this choice, this male dominated group (you know this statistic could safely be assumed but I checked anyway; 34-6) has decided to do it for us. Not that they would be in the room to watch that heart beat, or have required the father to also be present. Thirty six men, in all their uterine wisdom, with NO possibility of facing a situation (violent vaginal rape) where the law forces them to have a scope stuck into their body, have dictated that one can be stuck into mine and my child’s. Oh, but this is only the beginning. Because they have assured us that they have much more to say about what’s best for women.

It did not surprise me that they’ve sold this law as a “health measure”; like I’m silly enough to accept this as truth; as if I haven’t been educated on the lack of funding that has been historically given to women’s health. If the Virginia Senate really cared about my health they’d be taking measures to protect my heart.

And we’re concerned for the women in the Middle East?

Then Washington Had a Meeting

Of course it upset me to see a panel of men discussing with a board of other men (did not check stats but seriously, do I need to?) about contraception. It pissed me off that no one thought beforehand how this would look, “Hey man, this might come off looking questionably  P.C. to 51 percent of the population. Don’t we have a female minister we can stick on the end or something?” Yes, it pissed me off that they obviously didn’t care how I would feel to see a room full of men deciding how to manage my ability to conceive. And it pissed me off that the one woman who was set to speak on this issue never did. But what really got to me, what set me to fuming, is that I am naďve enough to think it would be…could be…any different.

Because here is the problem at its core: we can’t demand a panel of female experts, politicians, and CEOs to represent our population because there isn’t a pool to draw from. Women are still not the majority of the leadership/management team in any organization.

Lip Service

Let me tell you what kind of mother/woman I am. I’m raising my daughter with the same expectations, hope and zest that I give my son. The difference is I don’t have to constantly enforce these verbal montages to my son because society is already doing it. EVERY DAY I tell her that she can do anything she wants. I tell her she does not need a man in her life to be successful. I tell her that she has a special gift to offer and that all she needs is a good education, drive and the courage to accomplish it. I tell her anything is possible.

I’m lying to her.

Because I am a mother/woman who is afraid that the truth will slash her dreams and lower her expectations. Should I tell her the truth? That if she were to do the same job as her brother she’d be paid less. That men are still making the decisions about her uterus, her education, her employment, her finances, the very products available to her. Should I tell her tonight that men, the minority, are still huddled around long tables deciding on the rules for women…the majority.

Although my daughter was born decades after the start of the feminist movement into “the land of the free,” she has yet to live a day of equality. She has men in her life EVERY DAMN DAY, telling her how a woman lives a “successful” life.  And if she has a special gift to share with this planet, I know she will not receive the same opportunities my son will get to share his.

If you believe she will, you are lying to yourself.

Oprah recently asked the American managers of a Haitian orphanage if they were misleading the girls by giving them an education and inspiring them to want a career and life beyond raising children.  Oprah knows it can be dangerous to sell someone on a dream which brinks on the impossible.

I’m asking EVERY woman, the majority in this country, I’m asking the Virginia State Senate and the men sitting on Capitol Hill and every other man sitting at a boardroom table…are you selling my daughter a pipe dream? Are we setting up our girls to a bitter and disappointing future?

Are we going to continue to give girls lip service or are we going to give them a seat? That’s all I want to know. I don’t give a healthy care if those men on Capitol Hill were arguing over abortion, contraception, church policy, health care or the waves on Ruffles! I want to know are WE (if you can vote, if you have a voice, then I’m asking you) going to continue to keep our daughters out of the boardroom so our sons are guaranteed a seat?

Monica Wilcox



Isoli P.
Isoli P2 years ago


Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W4 years ago

thank you

Kiana Siino
Kiana S6 years ago

Good question Monica. I want equal representation, but I'm not planning on a career in politics. Do you think that's the problem? Not enough women want to become career politicians? Or the ones that do aren't given a fair chance? Maybe a bit of both? I don't know.

Viviann C. that is such a great idea for a sign. Humorous and to the point!

Bob S. I'm sorry if you've had to listen to a lot of angry women making sweeping statements about how all men are evil. Most of us have fathers, husbands, sons, and male friends who we love so we know that isn't the case. Most modern feminists also believe in equality. The problem is that we don't have it. If your rights were being threatened and you asked for help I'm sure a lot of people (women) here would stand up with you. Have you been standing with us? Because if you've just been waiting for us to calm down...well, I don't think it's going to happen for a long time.

Rosemary Graf
Rosemary Graf6 years ago

It's time all women give the full truth about this male world. We women must unite to have all facts given to our daughters. With full knowledge they can control their bodies without the males doing it for them.

Anne G.
Anne G6 years ago

Thank you for the article. Sometimes it feels as if the USA is moving backwards instead of forwards. It is so important to get out and vote, it was hard enough to to get that right, no one should throw it away. Women need to stand up to these men who seem to be living in another age.

Quanta Kiran
Quanta Kiran6 years ago


Rachel R.
Rachel R6 years ago

I have never understood why people don't vote. SOMEONE will be leading the country and making laws, wouldn't you AT LEAST want it to be the less crappy person??

Shirley Hill
Shirley Hill6 years ago

As a Canadian, I am astonished that in our great neighbour to the south, the same people who oppose universal healthcare for all Americans, and who want to "drown big government in the bathtub", are now in favour of an even bigger government with the capability to force invade the bodies of pregnant women.

The level of hypocrisy is truly astounding.

Marianne C.
Marianne C6 years ago

The REAL problem is that these people think they have a RIGHT to be in control of women -- our choices, our bodies, our lives, our place in the world and in society.

They need to be disabused of that fantasy -- hard, permanently, and soon.

Vote while you still have the right, women. The day AFTER they kill that right, too, will be a day too late.

Bob Stuart
Bob Stuart6 years ago

For over forty years, I waited for Feminists to see that equality cut both ways. You destroyed an ally instead.