How To Improve Your Self Esteem & Love Yourself

Most of the time, Iím pretty good at loving myself.† I know Iím the shit and sometimes I can really feel that and know itís true. But other times, this inner mean girl voice starts spewing venom at me, and I tell myself big fat lies that simply arenít true. Here are some of the ones that plague me most:

  • I am not enough just the way I am. (I have to do more/be more/accomplish more in order to be lovable.)
  • I should have known better (duh, Lissa).
  • I am damaged goods (2 divorces will do that for you).
  • I donít belong (can they tell Iím really an imposter?).
  • The way to be successful is to beat myself up so I stay motivated.
  • When I finally get or achieve [fill in the blank], then Iíll be happy.
  • Self love is narcissistic.
  • If I say no, people wonít love me.

We tend to be so freakiní hard on ourselves!† And what good does this do?

Fortunately, we have a remedy. Iím so proud to introduce you to my friend Amy Ahlerís fabulous new book†Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic And Wake Up Your Inner Superstar.

Amyís book identifies the 59 big fat lies women most frequently tell themselves. I read part of this book while getting a pedicure, and I was reading the big fat lies out loud while all the women in the salon were nodding and smacking themselves upside the head. Turns out these lies are all too familiar to way too many people.

Big Fat Lie Examples

  • I am unlovable.
  • I donít measure up.
  • I am powerless.
  • Itís too late for me.
  • Iím a failure.
  • Iím supposed to be further along than I am.
  • If I get too happy, something bad will happen.
  • If I only had enough money, everything would be okay.
  • I need another to complete me.
  • If I forgive, I condone.
  • If I just get small enough, others wonít feel bad or jealous.
  • Theyíll hate me if I [fill in the blank].
  • Itís more important to be polite than to be authentic.

Sound familiar? Oh yeah. We all have that inner mean girl voice (I call it ďthe Gremlin.Ē)† I guarantee you that you could choose any person – and no matter how successful, powerful, talented, brilliant, beautiful, loved, spiritual, or wealthy she is, these thoughts flit through her mind and†torture her from time to time.

Good News For Superstars Everywhere

So what can we do about these voices? In her book, life coach Amy Ahlers lists the most common big fat lies, so you can read through them all and find the ones that apply to you. Then she offers you practical tips and exercises aimed at helping you banish these big fat lies so you can improve your self esteem, love yourself more, and wake up your inner superstar.

Each big fat lie comes with a truth about the lie, a challenge you can do at home to help you quiet the lie, an affirmation to help you change your thinking, and an inspiring quote related to the lie. Itís like a yearís worth of life coaching or a week-long workshop in one little book.

So go out.†Grab this book. Quiet those big fat lies and use the exercises in this book to transform them into affirmations of self love, self esteem, happiness, and bliss.

Yes, you deserve that. And I wouldnít lie about something so important. When we choose to love ourselves instead of beating ourselves up, we model how others should treat us. Itís a choice. What do you choose?

Do You Love Yourself?

Do you beat yourself up with big fat lies? Or do you have the tools for turning those lies into affirming truths? Tell us your stories.

Loving you, just the way you are,


Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of†,†Pink Medicine Revolutionary,†motivational speaker, and author of†Whatís Up Down There? Questions Youíd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.

Learn more about†Lissa Rankin here.



amanda kauppila
amanda kauppila6 years ago

It's been a rough journey for me, but what helps is telling myself (and believing) that I can make it on my own in life.

Beverly G.
bev g6 years ago

i dont liek myself i beat myself up all the time.

Debbie L.
Debbie Lim6 years ago


Dorota L.
Dorota L6 years ago

Lisa, I can't believe YOU hear these fat lies too? In a way, it helps tremendously to know that it is possible to hear them and still shine as bright as you do! There's hope for all of us yet :) !

Carol H.
Past Member 6 years ago

Stay very young and take very good care of your skin and don't drink and smoke because both of them are killers.

irene fernandez
irene Fernandez6 years ago

I've thankfully gotten to the place where I notice what I'm doing and if I cannot get myself out of it completely and become happy and positive I at least can get to the place where I tell myself "don't listen to that voice, that voice is just looking for ways to make you unhappy so it can be happy"
Just don't pay attention to your meanines.. they get bored easily after a while

Judith Corrigan
Judith Corrigan6 years ago

I always have the 'I don't belong'.I have depression and sometimes feel like I don't belong around normal people.

Gianna Macias
Gianna Macias6 years ago

Just take a look at how we treat animals and other human beings, what is there to be proud of, what is there to love

Julija S.
Julija S6 years ago


Alicia N.
Alicia N6 years ago

interesting article, thank you