4 Unfortunate Ways Your Parents’ Divorce Could Impact Your Love Life

By Nancy Pina for YourTango.com.

Have you wondered why you are attracted to certain people?

The link between the relationship role model provided by your parents in your formative years and the choices you make in love are directly connected. Even if your parents’ divorce was not contentious, you will tend to lean towards a more cautionary route in relationships.

A new study showschildren of divorced parents can suffer the effects of the breakup throughout adulthood. It is through this experience that you develop a particular mental and emotional framework about relationships.

More from YourTango: Is Divorce Becoming a Luxury?

Those beliefs become something you accept as true, without question. That means you can expect that every day it will seem just as true as it was the day before. Your beliefs are deeply embedded in you, so you live your life without questioning them.Today, those wrong mindsets will direct your love life until you overcome and replace those beliefs with truth.

Do the following resonate with your love life choices?

1. I won’t marry. The fear of vulnerability leads many people to avoid commitment altogether. Going to the opposite extreme does not necessarily mean emotional hurt and pain will be completely avoided. The problem with making unbending promises is the tendency in human nature to draw into life that which is unresolved. Pushing down or trying to ignore feelings of rejection resulting from divorce does not eliminate them. Whatever pain that is hidden in your heart will eventually surface.

More from YourTango: The Best Divorce Advice

2. I want the picket fence. The other extreme is believing a committed relationship and marriage can be perfect without effort. Love does not happen by itself, but takes a mutual effort to build a solid foundation of trust, connection, respect and deep love. The belief that one will “know” who is the right one only through physical attraction is mistaken and unprepared for commitment. Idealizing marriage as the opposite of what was experienced through divorce only leads to a set up for disappointment in those unrealistic expectations.

Unknown Object3. I love you until you mess up. Mentally waiting for something terrible to happen in your relationships will bring that expectation to reality. For example, you may have formed a core belief that all men cheat as a result of your parents’ breakup. No matter how great a relationship starts and the potential it has to lead to lasting love, you will sabotage it with this type of thinking in the back of your mind.

More from YourTango: How Do I Know I’m Ready to Date After Divorce? (VIDEO)

4. I love you no matter how you treat me. Denying unacceptable behavior because you fear the consequences of being alone is another way your parents’ divorce can affect your view of love. You may have seen your mother struggle emotionally and financially after divorce. In your mind as a child, you believed that before divorce was better than after. Consequently, you surmised that staying together is more desirable despite the circumstances.

The key to attracting emotionally healthy relationships involves releasing these falsehoods. The emotional ashes that came from divorce can turn into beauty if you stop living life through the barriers to love you formed from that circumstance. You have the power to create the type of love you desire but will first need to align your mindsets to attract the right relationship leading to a lasting, loving and fulfilling marriage.

Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical, Christian-based advice.

Want to learn more? Check out the YourTangoDivorce Survival Guide!

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: How Your Parents’ Divorce Affects Your Love Life.


Aarron S
Past Member about a year ago

Marriage is the merger of two beautiful hearts. Then why clash occurs? Rejuvenate your relationship with this tips : https://goo.gl/wywYOZ

Stacey B.
Stacey B.about a year ago

Maybe you recently broke up with someone and you want it to be undone? Or is there a past lover you now know for sure was the right one in your life? This is the spell for you! Dr ATILA re-awaken emotions in your past lover, give him/her dreams about you and pull you two together with renewed desires and emotions for each other. This spell is designed only to work if the person is single and there are no interfering forces (family members that want you to be apart).Dr ATILA “love spells combo" in that case or contact Email: atilahealinghome@yahoo.com

Melinda H.
Melinda H.1 years ago

I am from China, i and my husband has been separated for 8 months now, he was the love of my life and the father of my two kids. He went out with another lady. I tried love potions and voodoo magic and the Ancient Kama Sutra just to have him back him back home to love me and settle down with his family again, it doesn't work. I was so frustrated seeing all effort becoming waste, i was so lucky i heard about Dr Priest Okojie from the shango temple. I'm so happy he was the final solution to the problem i have been fighting for almost 6 months now. I will as well like all those who are having problems such as relationship issues, fertility problems and financial difficulties or simply you need a promotion in your carrier just contact email(shangosolutiontemple @ yahoo . com) Dr Okojie from the shango family temple and he will solve your problem with ease in just 4 days.

Truth Seeker
Spread Harmony3 years ago

What is the lasting impact of divorce and separation on the children of "failed" marriages?

In this critically acclaimed film, five young people sit down to discuss openly their parents' separation, often in the presence of both parents, and often asking important questions that have remained unsaid for years. A shocking and surprisingly uplifting insight into the reality of modern family life.


Kath Becker
.4 years ago

I agree totally with this article. My parents were unhappy for years before they separated. It has left me disillusioned about what a 'normal' relationship is.

Melania Padilla
Melania P4 years ago

Thank you

Melissa L.
Melissa L5 years ago

Thanks for the info!

Michele Wilkinson

Thank you

Bailey Anderson
Bailey R5 years ago

I feel like #4 is a problem I have but it could also be because I'm young. I've stayed in relationships longer than I should have

Mark Stephens
Mark Stephens5 years ago

Are there any studies to support these reactions? The article isn't supported by any studies, so it sounds mostly like it's the author's own suppositions.
Surely, most of the behaviour could also be applied to some people whose parents were happily married or stayed in a dysfunctional relationship rather than getting divorced.
In a similar way, it will only apply to some people whose parents divorced. Many will perhaps learn from their parents' experience and not be afraid of commitment, realise that a good relationship involves effort on both sides etc.