Is There More to Love Than Sex and Romance?

For most of us, the search for the ideal partner has become an obsession: the principle goal in our quest for love. Yet our relationships often peter out after the brief fireworks of romance. Then the false hopes of the mind are exposed for what they truly are – an illusion of yearning, aspirations and dreams we use to hide the disappointment of reality – plain old hormones at work. Once the sexual attraction has lived its natural course, the ashes soon scatter in the breeze of disinterest.

There are times when we feel like a tiny boat on a thrashing sea of hormones, but what of the voice of the heart, yearning for a love that is true, a love that is unconditional? Usually we donít pay much attention to its call, even if we do speak of broken hearts. The only thing that actually breaks is the celluloid fantasy of what we were expecting the relationship to give us. We want to direct the relationship and dictate the script, yet it turns out our partners often have very different ideas about the role they wish to play.

We spend our lives seeking love through sex, yet we will never find true love until we discover it within ourselves. Another person will never be enough to make you feel truly satisfied: that kind of completion can only be found through love of self.

Of course, the union between two people who love unconditionally is the highest form of sexual expression. Yet this kind of relationship incorporates many different aspects, and cannot be solely based in sexual attraction.

Is sex for sex’s sake — hooking up over the internet for example, or having sex with many different people at discos — a path to love? I would say no. It’s just another addiction. Another way we try to lose ourselves in external satisfaction.

Is there something wrong with this? No, of course not. Yet if we are seeking to be honest with ourselves, we will ultimately see beyond this behavior and realize that it too leaves us unfulfilled. Then the calling of the heart will become stronger still: the calling to come home, to ourselves.

Is it hard for you to be with someone a hundred percent? Do you begin relationships enthusiastically and then lose interest? Be aware that this is a place where you are not giving all of yourself to life, where you are not finding fulfillment in each moment. To confront that feeling of inner incompletion is the greatest adventure. Embrace that feeling of dissatisfaction and fill the emptiness from within, instead of trying to fill it with something external: with relationships, projects, substances or any other distraction that tickles our fancy.

When I began to experience love-consciousness in my life, everything else became secondary. I realized that nothing external could fulfill me. I had already done everything I had wanted to, giving my all to follow my dreams and working in areas I was passionate about. I had pursued them until I had tired of them, and when I found consciousness, I realized it was all I had ever really wanted.

We all ultimately wish to know ourselves, to fall in love, completely and unconditionally, with the one person who will always be with us: ourselves.† When you find yourself, you will be able to have the most amazing relationships with others, no longer out of need, but out of pure unconditional love, the joy of loving that bubbles up from within.

Isha Judd is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher. Her book and movie, Why Walk When You Can Fly? ( explain her system for self-love and the expansion of consciousness.


.2 years ago

Hey nice post man! Thanks for incredible info. JC Erotica

Michael H.
Mike H4 years ago

I think true love is rare in the human world.

Michael Wecke
Michael Wecke5 years ago

I often ponder on the exhortation "love thy neighbour as thyself". But what I read here sounds a little bit too much on the narcissistic side for me. Having been married happily for 29 years, my wife is my “better half’ – the one who complements me, makes me whole – something I could not be on my own.

Was it Socrates who allegedly said” Whether you are married or not, you’ll regret it”?

Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W6 years ago

I don't think so.

Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W6 years ago


Kerry Stuparitz
Kerry G6 years ago

thank you

Jane Barton
Jane Barton6 years ago

Carina, believing we need another person to complete us is NOT the problem. We are all primally programmed to find a mate. This desire is born into all of us. The PROBLEM is MOST of us never find the "ONE". There are only 1 million soul mates in America, out of 300 million people. Every time we turn around "society" is telling us we can find our soulmate. Obviously the chances are very slim and we are getting false promises. This is why everybody is so unfulfilled. "Loving ourselves" is all well and good but even after you achieve that there is a deep down emptiness and a longing for our other half. Sure, friends are great but friends can't take the place of a soul mate. All of us know soul mates exist and we just sigh ........ ;) kc Kick, you are correct, we are being fed a crock of shit. After we are happy with ourselves we will naturally find love. NO WE WON'T. Finding love doesn't have
anything to do with loving yourself, it happens by accident and
it's very rare.

Carina Engstrom
Carina Engstrom6 years ago

I think the problem is that we believe that we need another person to fulfil our needs. That the other person is a complement to ourselves. I think that first we need to learn to love ourselves, go beyond depending on others. Sex without love is not wrong if both agree upon it. Love without sex is ok if both agree upon it. This issue is a never ending story and there's no right and wrong as long both - or how many there are involved - agree upon it.

Winifred Wi
Winifred Wi6 years ago

thanks for the post, good chance to think many things,

I think,,,love,romanse,sex are the shape of triangle. dont need to give up any. balance is the perpect thing that we need to keep!

i dont want to be sex doll or just mother likes, and dont wanna be a grief poet in a love song.

cant explain firmly, bt i 'hope n desire' to meet someone,, that the relationship between two never replaced to others(destined)

in past days, i thought if i met a good person that is the gate of happiness...but this time i changed my point of view. something is missed. its like, good relationship is not the only ends meet.

we could get many good friends through our life time(even its not easy pisy at all),,but im sure true love is enough for once in a life time, not couple times...i know it sounds so silly n plain but important issue i guess

kc Kick
kc Kick6 years ago

what a crock of shit.. she's suggesting that after we become happy with ourselves we will naturally find love. love is work between two people. you can absolutely be attracted to the one you love and its not all hormones.