How to Break Up With Someone

We told you how to really mend a broken heart. But what if youíre the one whoís doing the heartbreaking? How do you minimize someone elseís pain (yes, even those times when you want to hurt them) and move on with your integrity intact? Hereís what the experts suggest.

Are you sure?

If your feelings have changed, but youíre also a bit torn, here are five questions to ask yourself before you call it quits. Theyíll help you understand whatís really going on. The first question is: If your partner asks for a second chance, would you be willing to give them one?

The basics

Be honest, do it in person, donít give a laundry list of what you donít like about the person, and donít pause in the middle of the talk to update your status to single Ö The Angry Therapist at MindBodyGreen gives you the ground rules.

Donít use the clichť ďItís not you, itís meĒ

Psychology Today has 12 rules for a better breakup. If you want to take a scientific approach, they explain the biology behind our reactions and what you can do to ease the pain of parting.

Living together?

Thatís a bit more complicated. Glamour tells you how to do it if youíre shacked up. Their first rule is to plan ahead. (Itís probably not going to be fun sharing a bedroom after youíve broken it off.)

Take the high road

Donít do it on their birthday, on Christmas or Valentineís Day, or while youíre out with other people. The Frisky knows all the times when you shouldnít.

Bad romance

Did they hurt you? Were they careless with your heart? Sometimes a breakup is fueled by anger or pain and you may want to hurt them back. Or the person getting rejected has a really bad reaction to loss and lashes out at you. Try with all your might not to say things youíll regret. You canít take back the impact of your words. Controlling hostility isnít easy, but itís a very compassionate, mature thing to do.

The aftermath

If it turns ugly, here are a few ways to cope. And remember that time has a way of healing wounds and taking the sting out of breakups. Trust that you and your former partner will move past this because you will. You may not be friends, but neither of you will suffer forever.

Other types of breakups
Itís not always with a significant other you loved for years. Sometimes you need to end it with a first date, a friend, your hairstylist, or a toxic relative. Jezebel has your strategies for those situations.

And even when you end a relationship, make sure you donít stop taking your birth control. Breakup sex, makeup sex, and rebound sex have all been known to happen and youíll want to be covered just in case.

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Elizabeth Brawn
Elizabeth Brawn3 years ago

thank you

Bea Pujatti
Bea P3 years ago

All difficult things to do sometimes, but they have to be done. And yes, trying to hurt them back is not going to accomplish much in the long run.

Alan Lambert
Alan Lambert4 years ago

Honesty is crucial.

Jess No Fwd Plz K.
Jessica K4 years ago

Try to end things with kindness. After all, you are still connected even if the active relationship ends or changes.

Elena T.
Elena Poensgen4 years ago

Thank you :)

Lone Wolf
Lone W4 years ago

If it is someone you loved, try to mend things. If it was just a good lay, be quick and run.

Genoveva M.
Genoveva M M4 years ago

Thank you Bedsider, for Sharing this article.

China H.
China H4 years ago

Thank you for sharing this information.

Michael H.
Mike H4 years ago

Thank you for sharing

Carole R.
Carole R4 years ago

Thanks for posting.