What It Means to Penetrate


Language is the metaphor we use to communicate our deepest feelings. A couple’s sexuality is the most profound vehicle of communication of all. The words we use and our physical language of love define our love experience.

Penetration is the word often used to describe the culminating act of sexuality. It’s a word I often use when describing the best use of good lubricant. But it was just this week after using the word in conjunction with the act, that I wondered what I was saying.

The verb to penetrate has six different definitions in the dictionary and as in the power of any metaphor, the meaning one attaches to the term may deeply influence our relationship to the act.

A lesbian friend of mine once told me that it is not uncommon for many of her friends to maintain a no penetration relationship, and among my heterosexual friends, it is not a small minority who avoid penetration with their spouses. I’ve never asked them but I wonder if for them, the meaning of penetration feels like this definition of a military force entering into enemy territory or the depth of projectile into a target. Certainly the idea of women as a target for a man is rampant and so the deep need of self protection is also deeply held.

To penetrate also means to have an effect throughout, spread through; permeate, move deeply, or imbue…Applied again as a metaphor for sexuality this penetration is an act that transforms, that has the potential of changing everything. This sexual act has the force of inspiration, the possibility of being completely saturated with love.

The act of penetration is a force of nature that is loaded with meaning and mystery. Not surprisingly, to penetrate also means to gain insight and to have a marked effect on the mind and emotions. Our language about our sexuality is as layered as the act itself, and knowing what you mean when you speak about love and sex can only be helpful.

Sexuality is a metaphor for many things in life. The language, attitudes and opening that we share in our sexual encounters has a long reach into the depth and closeness of our day to day relationships.

Consider your relationship to penetration- the word, the idea and the act. Penetration means all of these things all at once.  But if I were to make a leap, in the name of making love sustainable, it would be that couples who build a strong and consensual relationship with the meaning and act of penetration are much more likely to have a strong and consensual relationship to each other…


Elena T.
Elena Poensgen5 years ago

Thank you :)

Lenee K.
Lenee K5 years ago


Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W5 years ago


Elaine A.
Elaine Al Meqdad5 years ago

Interesting article!

Aud Nordby
Aud n5 years ago


Danuta Watola
Danuta W5 years ago

Thanks for sharing.

Brother Bernardine

Let's all stop for a moment and consider what penetration means to us at this time.
To me it means to pierce the fundamentally save ground of my sphere of influence, my thoughts, my cosy little world, and to take a leap of faith and thrust out into the deep (to pierce into the unkown) to be brave and look for my religious experiences on a deeper, clearer and more meaningful level.
But each of us has his or her safe cosy place so it's a different personal meaning that is found for each......

Paul Kida
Paul K6 years ago

Thank you for the article. This really sets my mind to thinking.

Anastasia Z.
Anastasia Z6 years ago


Deborah L.
Deborah L6 years ago

An interesting article & good food for thought. We could all probably use more "Penetration" in our lives, in all aspects of the word, as stated above.