Why You Keep Dreaming About Your Ex & What to Do About It

Are you losing sleep because you can’t stop dreaming about your ex? When you are putting a lot of energy into moving on from your relationship, it can be truly disheartening to be constantly reminded of your ex every time you go to sleep.

In my ten years as a dreamworker, the question ‘what do dreams about my ex mean? has been one of the most common inquiries I received. How to stop dreaming about your ex is one of the most searched terms related to dreaming on Google.

It makes a lot of sense. If we are dreaming about our ex, that means we’ve experienced a break-up, and probably some level of heartache or heartbreak because of it. The process of ending a relationship can be one of the most emotionally challenging experiences we humans go through.

In my experience, dreams are one of the most powerful tools we have to understanding our most complex and difficult emotions. I believe that is why it’s so common to have dreams about your ex.

So what can you do about it? Here are four simple steps to help you utilize these dreams in a positive way.

1. Remember This Dream Is About You, Not Them

When we dream about someone else, they are instantly brought into our consciousness. It is almost like we actually saw them in real life. When we awaken, our mind can start to bring up all kinds of memories and associations with that person, and we can start to focus on them instead of ourselves. In order for your dream to help you heal, change, or transform, focus on what is has to offer you. If you are consistently having dreams about your ex that are challenging, it indicates generally that you are working through internal issues related to love, intimacy and relationship. This means that these dreams could have more to do do with your relationship to yourself than your relationships with others.

2. Challenge Your Assumptions About Your Dream

Dreams about your ex could take a variety of forms. You could dream that you were reconnected with an ex and you feel love and affection for each other. Or you could be simply re-living the conflicts that led to your break-up in the first place. Or it could be totally different. No matter what iteration the dream takes, it is very likely that you already have some ideas or assumptions about what your dream is trying to tell you, because when we’re in emotionally challenging situations, our minds can go into overdrive. To dig deeper, release all of your preconceived ideas and look at your dream with a clean slate. Try to come up with at least three new things your dream could be saying beyond what you already think.

3. Acknowledge and Feel the Feelings in the Dream Fully

This might be the most important step. Why? Because more than anything else, our dreams are felt experiences we have in our bodies. They help us reconnect to feelings on a visceral, experiential level instead of a mental one. Even if we know intellectually that we are sad and we miss our relationship, our dream can help us get in touch with what that sadness feels like in our bodies. We have to allow ourselves to feel our emotions on that level in order to move through them. It’s not enough to know that we are sad, jealous, or angry–we have to feel it, and know that it is okay to do so. No matter how judgmental you are of yourself for having the feelings in the dream, give yourself the gift of just letting yourself feel it, without having to figure anything out. It’s one of the most empowering things you can do with a dream about your ex.

4. Set Aside Time to Nurture Your Relationship To Yourself

Again, if we’re having consistent dreams about our ex, it’s probably because issues of love, connection, and intimacy are ‘up’ in our lives. Often our relationships become damaged or end because we are relying on others to love us in ways we can only love ourselves, and we end up disappointed. Committing to improving our relationship with ourselves first and foremost is a great way to combat this. Carve out at least one to two hours every week where you are as loving and nurturing towards yourself as possible. This can take many forms, do whatever feels right. Whatever is coming up about your past relationships in your dreams, balancing it with some dedicated and consistent self-love practices is a sure path to growth.

Dreams about your ex can be some of the most disturbing and challenging dreams that we have. But with these simple practices, we can begin to open ourselves to the meaning of these dreams and even derive benefit and understanding of them. What kind of dreams have you had about your ex? What questions have they brought up for you? I’d love to hear your feedback and thoughts!

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

74 comments

Helen C
Helen C21 days ago

Thank You

SEND
Mia B
Mia B23 days ago

thank you for posting

SEND
Mike R
Mike R23 days ago

Thanks

SEND
Louise A
Louise A27 days ago

Thank you

SEND
Paula A
Paula Aabout a month ago

Thank you for sharing

SEND
Melanie St. Germaine
Melanie Sabout a month ago

Thank you for sharing

SEND
Louise A
Louise Aabout a month ago

thank you for posting

SEND
Caitlin L
Caitlin Labout a month ago

thanks for sharing

SEND
Kevin B
Kevin Babout a month ago

Thank you

SEND
Toni W
Toni Wabout a month ago

TYFS

SEND