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Federal Judge Rules Capitalism Unconstitutional

US Politics & Gov't  (tags: Satire, capitalism, Florida, fed court, constitution, humanrights, Koch industries, economics, freedoms )

- 2336 days ago -
A Federal Court in Florida has struck down Capitalism, ruling that the requirement for individuals to live under any type of economic system is unconstitutional. * satire, yet a strong message! enjoy! *


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Angelika R (143)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 1:41 pm
AMERICA – A Federal Court in Florida has struck down Capitalism, ruling that the requirement for individuals to live under any type of economic system is unconstitutional.

U.S. District Judge Roger Vinson in his judgment ruled that the so-called economic system known as capitalism exceeds congressional power.

“The Congress does not have the power to compel an individual to live under any economic system,” Vinson said.

“If Congress can force people to buy and sell products or property for a profit, we would have a Constitution in name only,” wrote Vinson. “Surely this is not what the founding fathers could have intended.” Vinson wrote.

Vinson added that “As a strict Constitutionalist, I see nowhere in the U.S. Constitution where Capitalism is even mentioned. The Founding Fathers were always right. Thus, Capitalism must cease and desist, effective immediately.”

The ruling had a ripple effect throughout the nation, as money immediately became useless, debts became purely theoretical, and Wal-Marts had to start giving away all their Chinese-made products for free. China could not be reached for comment.

Former billionaires Charles and David Koch called the ruling ‘Political activism at its most extreme,” adding that “It’s just a God-damned piece of paper!”

Both Republicans and Democrats in Congress – the vast majority of them millionaires – have railed against the ruling. U.S. Senator Rand Paul – well-known for his Libertarian values and strict Constitutional interpretations – said that the courts were just taking the Founding Fathers much too seriously.

“The founding fathers vaguely inferred that the U.S. is a capitalist nation,” said Paul. “And even if they didn’t, Christ, that was like 250 years ago. What did they really know about how things would be like now?”

With orders from Paul and the Koch brothers, Tea Party leaders are currently working on a plan to create a Constitutional amendment to abolish the U.S. Constitution.

Still, some were pleased with Vinson’s decision. Noted anarchist Noam Chomsky said he agreed with the ruling.

“This is just friggin’ awesome,” said Chomsky.

No stay on the ruling will be allowed, and the U.S. Supreme Court – its docket filled with Health Care Rulings, Barack Obama citizenship issues, and fundraisers for conservative causes – has declined to take up the case.

Implications of the ruling are vast, including the elimination of all debts of all kinds, as without capitalism, debts become purely theoretical. for his part, President Barack Obama released only a 12-word statement.

“I just balanced the budget by throwing it away. Next problem, please,” said Obama.

The news hit Wall Street hard, as the Dow Jones Industrial average fell 11,891.93 points.

Tamara Hayes (185)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 1:57 pm
ROFLMAO! I loved the picture of Charles Koch! Thanks for the belly laugh Angelika, this one is definitely worth sharing. I especially liked Obama's comment, " I just solved the deficit problem by throwing it away. Next problem?" What a hoot!

Fiona Ogilvie (562)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 2:05 pm
LOL. Thanks for this sunshine. Wish I could send you a green star.

Angelika R (143)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 2:22 pm
I think this is AWESOME- although a few years old. One of my US friends alerted me to the story, it had to be posted! Yeah, the Kochroach in grief-hilarious!

Angelika R (143)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 2:25 pm
Tamara- that phrase / " Obama quote" should perhaps be hung on a huge poster to the Congress walls right now-?! Might come in useful for sequester debates!

Jae A (316)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 2:35 pm
Good thing you added the 'disclaimer' Angelika...the rightwing nuts on care2 would all look like the picture and be rushing to their nearest rightwing media outlet to hear more about it all ~

Of course I enjoyed it a whole whole lot...a hoot it is Tamara !

Thanks for sharing Angelika obviously :rock; me thinketh ~

Angelika R (143)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 3:09 pm
thx Jae- and wouldn't it be great if that category of members would do just that! ? Given the many illiterates , perhaps some will -?! :-))))

Angelika R (143)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 3:11 pm
look up to te night skies for stars- I am out -sorry.

Mike S (86)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 3:20 pm
“This is just friggin’ awesome,” said Chomsky. ROFL.
Thanks Angie :D

Munro Tapper (80)
Tuesday February 26, 2013, 8:20 pm
This is rich. Thank you, Angelika, for sharing. Great comments by all. Wouldn't the world be a merrier place if it were so.

Jaime Alves (52)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 3:52 am

Edo R (71)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 4:47 am

Giana P (398)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 5:02 am
Interesting concept.

Past Member (0)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 5:22 am

Ro H (0)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 5:47 am

Jodi Ashley (2)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 6:14 am
Thanks for the giggles

. (0)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 6:39 am
Hmmmm! It's not capitalism that is at fault but Corporatism - the very system these rich, fat cats use to create the conditions for indentured slavery. I want a revolution; a republic and a dollar that is worth a dollar. Thank you, thank you very much. The clown has the left the website. LOL

DeannaC2 C (1)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 7:00 am
"Tea Party leaders are currently working on a plan to create a Constitutional amendment to abolish the U.S. Constitution."

Quite possibly the best part of the entire article.

Angelika R (143)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 10:13 am
I tend to agree with Deanna, although we could argue over the Dow as well! :-)

Munro Tapper (80)
Wednesday February 27, 2013, 4:02 pm
Checking in again. Chuckling ruefully.
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