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BREAKING: Santa's Sleigh Downed By Russian Missile Near Nortth Pole


World  (tags: Santa Claus, North Pole, missile attack, Russia, USA, violence, satire, animal welfare, Christmas, terrorism, politics )

Angelika
- 1666 days ago - dailycurrant.com
Russia shot down Santa Claus's sleigh today in international airspace over the Arctic Ocean. According to local reports, the sleigh was beginning its annual Christmas Eve journey around the world when it was struck by a surface-to-air missile ...



   

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Angelika R (143)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 12:07 pm
Russia shot down Santa Claus’s sleigh today in international airspace over the Arctic Ocean.

According to local reports, the sleigh was beginning its annual Christmas Eve journey around the world when it was struck by a surface-to-air missile fired from the Russian island of Novaya Zemlya - just a few hundred miles from the North Pole. Santa and nearly all of his reindeer were killed instantly.

Norwegian fisherman soon located the debris field in the frigid waters of the Arctic Ocean. Images of the debris aired on CNN and other international news networks show broken limbs, teddy bears, and gift wrapping strewn throughout the sea.

Although Russia has officially denied involvement in the incident, American intelligence forces say they have proof the missile was fired from a Russian military installation on the island. Several ultra-nationalist politicians in Moscow have praised the downing, which targeted an popular Western celebrity.

“Santa Claus is a symbol of Western decadence and consumerism,” said Alexi Onnatopp, leader of the far-right Golden Bear party,”Whoever killed this fat, corrupt man is a patriot and a hero.”

Today’s events bear striking similarities to the downing of Malaysian Flight 17, which was shot down by pro-Russian rebels in Eastern Ukraine this summer using a similar surface-to-air missile. All 285 passengers and 15 crew were killed aboard that flight travelling from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur.

Remarkably one reindeer survived today’s blast and is currently being treated for his injuries at a hospital in Norway. Authorities have yet to officially release its name, but sources close to the investigation confirm that it is Rudolph -- the crimson-snouted misfit immortalized in an eponymous 1939 song.

“We were able to rescue him first because of his red nose,” says Lars Sommerhielm, an admiral in the Royal Norwegian Navy, “It stood out amongst the ocean waves. The others we couldn’t get to in time.”

In a speech from the oval office President Obama vowed an appropriate response to the tragedy, which may include tightening sanctions on an already crumbling Russian economy.

“Today Russia has gone too far,”he told reporters,“Vladimir Putin has threatened the hopes and dreams of children around the world. He will be brought to justice.”

A funeral for Mr. Claus has been set for December 28th at the North Pole. President Obama, British Prime Minister David Cameron, French President Francois Hollande and other international dignitaries are scheduled to attend.
 

JL A (281)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 12:10 pm
LOL. Thanks Angie
 

Angelika R (143)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 12:29 pm
Naturally I couldn't resist posting this ;-) - badly needed as satire to counter what has been spread as news..
 

Angelika R (143)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 12:31 pm
At least it also teaches us survival tactics -paint our noses red! (athough some might refuse to doso in fear of being called a commiel -their problem!)
 

Past Member (0)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 12:38 pm
The reindeer died! No!
Thank you Angelika
:)
 

Past Member (0)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 12:47 pm
The Onion---good one! I was wondering about the title tho...Merry Christmas Angie
 

Lone F (56)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 1:09 pm
Noted - Yes, the "Sleigh" in the title gave away the satire! Thanks Angelika for this humor!
 

Past Member (0)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 1:25 pm
As truthful as the *news* you read.....
 

Animae C (508)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 2:21 pm
: )
 

SĂĽheyla C (234)
Thursday December 25, 2014, 3:57 pm
Thank you noted
my news
please sign note
http://www.care2.com/news/member/358941128?sort=submitted
 

Maria Teresa Schollhorn (42)
Friday December 26, 2014, 1:05 am
So funny! Very good satire.
Thanks Angelika.
 

Sam H (410)
Friday December 26, 2014, 7:44 am
Two possible reasons for it: protecting the job of Ded Moroz or penalizing Santa for being too early for Christmas!
 

Angelika R (143)
Friday December 26, 2014, 8:55 am
LOL, Sam, I'd assume the first rather than the latter, nobody tolerates competition. Or perhaps even both...
 

Angelika R (143)
Friday December 26, 2014, 9:00 am
the penalty woud be injust anyways as the travel takes a bit of time and in many European regions the main Xmas day for presents is Christmas EVE, the 24th! The sleigh would probably not have reached areas where delivery isn't due before the 25th.
What a shame, whatever the reason was.
 

Roger G (148)
Friday December 26, 2014, 11:54 am
noted, thanks
 

Mandi T (367)
Friday December 26, 2014, 12:22 pm
Some humor today. Always a good thing. Smiles :-)
 

Colleen L (3)
Friday December 26, 2014, 12:34 pm
Cute humor. We needed something like that to brighten up our day. Thanks Angelika
 

Louise D (44)
Friday December 26, 2014, 1:01 pm
Wasn;'t there a song in the 1960's called "Mr Russian don't shoot down Santa's sleigh", still I suspect they don't know about the fact that Santa outsourced his Reindeer haulage company and Russian will face his Jolly Boots of Doom as he reigns the North Pole with an Iron Fist and Putin will obey the fist, either that or there will be those pictures of Mr Putin dressed up as He-Man with Fisto and Ramjob well the names are a wee bit differnet.
 

JinnySITEISSUES L (33)
Friday December 26, 2014, 1:42 pm
Actually....not too far-fetched. Thanks Angelika for posting.
 

Leanne B (46)
Friday December 26, 2014, 1:48 pm
LOL
 

Mary Donnelly (47)
Friday December 26, 2014, 2:10 pm
Noted!!!
 

Sheila D (28)
Friday December 26, 2014, 3:03 pm
Merry Christmas, Angelika.
 

Eleonora Oldani (37)
Friday December 26, 2014, 3:06 pm

Thanks Angelika for the much needed laughter ... although with a bitter and serious undertone. I like the certainty with which they state the "facts" about the downing of Malaysian Flight 17 ... well, let's keep this light.

Merry Christmas to everyone!
 

Janis K (129)
Friday December 26, 2014, 4:17 pm
Thanks for sharing.
 

Angelika R (143)
Friday December 26, 2014, 4:17 pm
Eleonora, yeah, that link to MH 17 was of course necessary for this satire to make sense.
No worries, we'll keep it light, like the Russians also do, though media likes to tell us differently ;)
 

Joanne Dixon (37)
Friday December 26, 2014, 4:56 pm
The comments on site suggest some have no sense of humor - which makes it even funnier.
 

Sherry B (66)
Friday December 26, 2014, 5:41 pm
:-) LOL, thanks Angelika
 

Jeff Creech (64)
Friday December 26, 2014, 8:34 pm
Nice jab
 

Eleonora Oldani (37)
Friday December 26, 2014, 11:07 pm

Of course Angie, goes without saying - LOL; just loved the whole! Our "Baba Noël" has come and will come again on the 7th of January (Coptic Christmas) - he has to work extra time in Egypt and the other countries where the Orthodox Christmas is celebrated. Stay safe!
 

Past Member (0)
Saturday December 27, 2014, 1:24 am
What a load of absolute crap.
 

Past Member (0)
Saturday December 27, 2014, 5:38 am
I'm surprised that Care2 hasn't received an international threat if they don't withdraw this article!!
 

Miriam AWAY Site issues (61)
Saturday December 27, 2014, 7:41 am
Thank you!
 

Sam H (410)
Saturday December 27, 2014, 8:45 am
Care2 escaped such threats because those who are predisposed to such behavior and are a constant threat to world peace are busy preparing for an early election!
 

Angelika R (143)
Saturday December 27, 2014, 3:19 pm
;-)
 

Shirley B (5)
Saturday December 27, 2014, 5:04 pm
You've got that right, Sam H !
 

Angelika R (143)
Sunday December 28, 2014, 4:59 am
Now cool it folks, like with every other incident and all the rumors around it, before long the world will know the truth. Let's just relax now and wait until orthodox Christmas in the rest of the world, including Russia; by then we will know for sure if this was a hoax. Strong evidence points to that.
 

SĂĽheyla C (234)
Tuesday January 6, 2015, 1:24 am
Thanks
 
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