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Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is


Offbeat  (tags: government, economy, budget imbalance, Federal Reserve, debt, unemployment, financial market, business )

Jelica
- 2847 days ago - theonion.com
"You think that's going to create long-term economic growth, let alone promote job creation?" Bernanke said. "We're way beyond that, my friend. There are no jobs, okay? There's nothing. I think that calls for another drink, don't you?"



   

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Comments

Shirley S (187)
Thursday August 4, 2011, 11:12 pm
This man was COMPLETELY OVERWROUGHT about the U S economy problems. I felt sorry for him.
 

Michelle S (462)
Thursday August 4, 2011, 11:27 pm
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name.....>^..^< M.
 

Jelica R (144)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:18 am
... have a few drinks and a completely open your soul and, ahem, mouth. Oops!


 

H Nick H (1826)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:21 am
The truth leaks out.
 

Ancil S (175)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:45 am
Gee,it's him,isn't it? Oh,how the mighty hath fallen!
 

Jelica R (144)
Friday August 5, 2011, 1:43 am
I love The Onion articles. They explain the absurdity and ignorance in a way which makes you laugh. Other media makes you course or cry. Look at this title Obama Turns 50 Despite Republican Opposition. Brilliant!
 

Myron Scott (70)
Friday August 5, 2011, 4:48 am
I wouldn't be surprised. Bernanke's been making more sense about the economy lately than his boss.
 

Nancy C (806)
Friday August 5, 2011, 6:55 am
"Customers at the bar told reporters the "shitfaced" and disruptive Bernanke refused to pay for his drinks with U.S. currency, claiming it was "worthless." Sorry someone had to get sick to tell us the truth.
 

Jim P (3247)
Friday August 5, 2011, 10:51 am
Ben Bernanke should be hog tied and thrown into prison for his part in the
fiasco he helped to create years ago.

Ben Bernanke is definitely an "Ugly American" and/or not even an american...

TY, Jelica.
.
 

LucyKaleido ScopeEyes (82)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:01 pm
I love the Onion, Jelica, & I sometimes used to post some of their stuff. World events are just so depressing at the moment, I haven't even thought to take a look at what's cooking at the Onion. You've got good reflexes, my girl!

I remember the name Ivan Illich, too, but he wasn't the only one denouncing US intervention in Latin America & the School of Assassins aka the School of the Americas aka SOA/ WHINSEC, the US Military training camp at Fort Benning with so many notorious graduates who returned to their home countries to commit crimes against humanity, torture, extrajudiciary murders, massacres, etc. all to support right-wing, anti-democratic Latin American oligarchies. I will take advantage of your links, though, & thank you for them. Did you read about Jennifer Harbury & her ordeal?

Thanks for making me laugh, with Obama's birthday!

I saw the documentary film that won the Oscars 2011, about the perpetrators of the 2008 financila & economic crisis and I would like to see them all hanged in public.

Documentary filmmaker Charles Ferguson was honored this past February at the Academy Awards for his film “Inside Job,” a thorough examination of the financial crisis of 2008 that names names. During his award acceptance speech, he took the opportunity to issue a scathing critique of the government’s post-crisis investigations:

“Forgive me, I must start by pointing out that three years after our horrific financial crisis caused by financial fraud, not a single financial executive has gone to jail, and that’s wrong,” he said.

The trailer can be viewed here: http://www.rawstory.com/rawreplay/2011/02/oscar-winning-documentary-filmmaker-slams-wall-street-probes/
I have yet to find a site that offers the whole film free for online viewing.


 

Amena Andersson (187)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:05 pm
Thanks, dear "Onion," for the belly laughs made of sobering truth. It is so much nicer to laugh than cry. Wish the Bernanke stuff were real and the bitter belly laughs of truth were not. And, I am with you, Jim; Bernanke should join Bush, Cheney, and a ton of other gov'ment crooks in prison...for life.
 

Eric Gilmartin (361)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:35 pm
Ironic thing is that some people will read this and mistake it for genuine news. The Onion is just that good (sometimes).
 

Past Member (0)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:40 pm
i cant believe the bartender kept serving him..really irresponsible to serve someone who is so drunk. hope he wasnt driving home.
 

Past Member (0)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:46 pm
oh, that was a good laugh. thanks.
 

Donna Minkel (0)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:47 pm
this is not a true story. I am sorry that people leave out the truth. Check Snops
 

Bill Eagle (41)
Friday August 5, 2011, 12:49 pm
Thank you Onion. Bernanke does not need to be drunk to screw us all.
 

Esther S (45)
Friday August 5, 2011, 1:14 pm
http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/bernanke.asp

I was wondering if it was true because I thought the media would have been carrying on about it and instead they had said nothing about it , so I did a search and Snopes said it is not true. Apparently it was supposed to be a joke.
 

Nicole Gorman (38)
Friday August 5, 2011, 1:18 pm
Love the Onion! If only this was true it would go a long way towards humanizing Bernanke!
 

Jelica R (144)
Friday August 5, 2011, 2:08 pm
@Victoria M., why would not Bernake drive after visiting a bar? He can't do more damage by himself. Managing Federal Reserve and crushing the economy was a team job, those big boys don't play solo.
 

Michael Carney (217)
Friday August 5, 2011, 2:15 pm
Noted, with laughter
 

Eileen Novak (444)
Friday August 5, 2011, 2:36 pm
Shoulda had him crying like a Boehner.
 

Jelica R (144)
Friday August 5, 2011, 2:37 pm
I am afraid that humanizing Bernake is incompatible with his line of work.

Great comments, everybody, thanks.
 

Roger G (148)
Friday August 5, 2011, 2:56 pm
thanks
 

Mary Donnelly (47)
Friday August 5, 2011, 3:00 pm
That's for humourous post.
 

Jae A (316)
Friday August 5, 2011, 3:12 pm
LOL..thanks for the sharing Jelica.

 

Bonnie B (103)
Friday August 5, 2011, 3:53 pm
Thanks, Jelica, wish it was true! and LOVE the Obama turns 50 piece!
 

Toni C (508)
Friday August 5, 2011, 4:29 pm
Thanks for the story... it would be funny if it wasn't so damned true!
 

John Kirkby (23)
Friday August 5, 2011, 4:34 pm
I still like this one from them.....the discovery of the Pervatasaurus..

http://www.theonion.com/video/paleontologists-discover-skeleton-of-natures-first,14320/
 

Marco C (31)
Friday August 5, 2011, 6:24 pm
They really provide a valuable service, thanks for bringing us the article.
 

Nelson Baker (0)
Friday August 5, 2011, 6:38 pm
He is as responsible as anybody for the mess this county is in.
 

Julie D (201)
Friday August 5, 2011, 7:57 pm
OMG! Now THAT was funny! Very well written and a good belly laugh!
 

LucyKaleido ScopeEyes (82)
Friday August 5, 2011, 8:00 pm
The Onion writers are geniuses, they made up a supposedly absurd situation com, but the premise is right on -- look what I've just read in the Guardian :

"US stripped of AAA credit rating by S&P over political weakness -- The US government's credit rating has been lowered to AA+, the first downgrade in modern US history, despite furious lobbying"

Last updated nine minutes ago

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/richard-adams-blog/2011/aug/06/us-credit-rating-downgrade-debt
 

Robert Tomlinson (62)
Friday August 5, 2011, 9:33 pm
I think Mr. Bernanke should have charges brought against him. It seems to me that this is a National Security blunder. If I am correct prison should be in his future.
 

. (0)
Saturday August 6, 2011, 4:01 am
Gotta get drunk to tell the truth, huh?

And then proclaim it.

Well, it's all predicted.,

 

pam M (98)
Saturday August 6, 2011, 8:31 am
Are you guys serious? I mean really . . after all that's been said on this site you honestly believe what's written by corporate media jackals? THEY REPORT WHAT THEIR TOLD TO REPORT. When I read anything from mainstream media its taken with a grain of salt. If they say unemployment is steady at 9% you've got to raise that up several percent.

The nuclear mess in Japan? Does not the eerie silence of our oh so dedicated media frighten anyone here but me? We'll soon be dining on contaminated fish products, if not already. While watching news on the BBC channel, a streamer stated that several of the men in charge of the mess have been sacked due to ill handling of the situation. That scares the crap out of me.

You see, the citizens in this nation are on a need to know basis. Since most of those in charge know that we love staying in continual denial its so easy to keep wool over the eyes of sheeple. While folks like Bernanke, who have our economic welfare in their hands, carry the burden of the truth. Too frighten to rock the boat, more loyal to their conspirators than to the constituency.
 

Isabelle J (81)
Saturday August 6, 2011, 10:43 am
Funny!
 

Sara T (3)
Saturday August 6, 2011, 11:09 am
I laughed so hard I cried - or was I crying over the confirmation that I already knew - we're in the shitter.
 

Elodia R (54)
Sunday August 7, 2011, 9:43 am
Those in power when bush was POTUS should go to prison for life. bush was just a puppet and did exactly as he was told.
 

MmAway M (519)
Sunday August 7, 2011, 6:44 pm
UMM!
 
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