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Regretting Motherhood

Society & Culture  (tags: Motherhood, regretting, Germany, regret, not, having child )

- 1116 days ago -
Is it possible to regret becoming a mother? The question first posed by an Israeli researcher has stirred a debate in Germany like in no other country, shattering a long-held taboo.


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Sam H (410)
Monday June 27, 2016, 4:39 am
I hope Mom doesn't!

divergent r (309)
Monday June 27, 2016, 9:43 am
its a good thing i knew my heart and stayed childless
thanks Sam
ive been regretting it NO MORE

Evelyn B (63)
Monday June 27, 2016, 10:00 am
The social pressures are still rooted in stereotypes! Women are often considered as somehow incomplete if they haven't had children ... "oh, bad luck! SO sorry!"

Mind you - I can think of a few mothers that might (have) regret(ted) having borne children!
Frau Hitler, for one! I wonder about Mrs Trump? Mrs Johnson? Mrs Mateen? Mrs Harper-Mercer? Mrs Manson? ...

There was a time between the World Wars when there was a "philosophical" movement that discouraged bringing babies into such a messed up world. (I had an aunt & uncle who took this position.) Sometimes I wonder why the movement came to an end - because I don't think the reason went away, by any means!

Barbara Tomlinson (431)
Monday June 27, 2016, 11:54 am

In Israel, the Orthodox, and the Ultra-Orthodox, have huge families, which is encouraged by their religious leaders. THAT is why, the German birth rate is less than half of Israel's - the Israeli birth rate is skewed by all the Religious Sects.
The other place where huge families are common, is in countries WHERE RELIGIOUS STRICTURES PREVENT ACCESS TO ANY FORMS OF BIRTH CONTROL - not to mention Abortion. EXCEPT for the Wealthy, of course! who can always travel, or buy whatever they need from abroad.....

We need not only a STOP to this Environment-killing Population Growth - not just ZERO Population Growth - we need, worldwide, and for the future for a long time, NEGATIVE Population Growth - a MUCH, MUCH, MUCH SMALLER HUMAN POPULATION. A birth rate that DOES NOT REPLACE the death rate.....

Political leaders WANT LOTS OF CANNON FODDER to enhance their power - hence are worried about low birth rates in their countries. Also it benefits Corporations, to have LOTS OF UNEMPLOYED - to keep in line those "lucky" enuf to have maybe unsafe, dirty, socially meaningless or socially-destructive jobs....

These short-term Nationalistic goals ARE NOT GOOD FOR THE PLANET, and are NOT GOOD FOR INDIVIDUAL WOMEN AND FAMILIES, either...
We need SOCIALISM, a decent living standard for ALL, getting RID of Corporate Power AND the Power of Religion to fashion Politics according to their Dogmas.... and to ACHIEVE Drastically-Negative Population Growth BY THOSE MEANS....

Kathleen M (208)
Monday June 27, 2016, 2:43 pm
Noted. Thx Sam. Wish the clods would keep their retro sexist nonsense to themselves...

Angelika R (143)
Monday June 27, 2016, 2:45 pm
Can't help but acknowledge BMT's intelligent points and fully support them!

As for that alleged "conversation" here it must have passed me by! Couldn't be such a "rage" then. But I don't take part in hype discussions that occur in low level tabloids like BILD or watch such TV talk shows.

I haven't met any women either who said they regretted having their children, but then I don't associate with fundamentalists feminists either. What I have heard by contrast, is people saying they regretted of having been born.

Roger G (148)
Monday June 27, 2016, 4:14 pm
noted, thanks

Rose Becke (141)
Monday June 27, 2016, 6:14 pm
Of course it is possible

Maria Teresa Schollhorn (42)
Monday June 27, 2016, 9:48 pm
All is possible. It depends on the woman and personal circumstances.
Thanks Sam.

Rose Becke (141)
Monday June 27, 2016, 9:50 pm
I have had an ectopic pregnancy when I was young

Found out later in my 30's that I have a heart shaped uterus which means very hard to get pregnant or carry fetus to full term,
At the stage in my life I was shocked by this as I wanted a child.
I have accepted it now

Past Member (0)
Monday June 27, 2016, 11:36 pm
No regrets here. No kids+never wanted any+won't change my mind either. Have plenty of 4 legged cuties running around tho! Besides the world is overpopulated enough--people need to stop breding as that should be regret enough. thx Sam

Lona Goudswaard (66)
Tuesday June 28, 2016, 7:26 am
The push for women to do both, have children and a career (or the other way around around), has been very strong in the West these past decades and is becoming so in many parts of the world. Many women can't cope with carrying the load all on their own and when something has to give that could lead to regretting having had children. For me there never have been regrets for deciding not to have children as early as a teenager. I never felt the need to be a mother nor to propagate my/our genes, and that didn't change under the pressure that was there from society. If that need had come at some stage, we would have adopted or fostered a child already on this planet and not added more of our own.

Farah Hage Ali (154)
Tuesday June 28, 2016, 7:41 am
noted, thank you for sharing.

Animae C (508)
Tuesday June 28, 2016, 7:51 am
Regretting anything is stoopid, learn from it & get on with it!

Elena M (142)
Tuesday June 28, 2016, 4:44 pm
Childfree by choice and very happy about it! Maternity would turn me into the most miserable and unhappy woman in the world!

Jonathan Harper (0)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 4:23 am

Past Member (0)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 6:39 am
Thank you, mum

pam w (139)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 10:06 am
Of COURSE it's possible and probably much more common than we think! The ''anti-choice'' mob always wants to force women into maternity, imagining they'll fall in love with the child and be blissfully happy ever after. NOT SO!

Working at Planned Parenthood, I've seen many women wanting nothing more than to escape the consequences of unplanned pregnancy and I'm always glad we're there for them.

Janet B (0)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 1:18 pm

Joanne Dixon (37)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 1:46 pm
"I wouldn't take a million dollars for any of my kids, but I wouldn't give you a nickel for another one." That's not me, it's a line from the musical "Quilters," but the laughs it gets in performances show that it hits a nerve. I have never had children and never regretted it. But I would think any honest mother, even one who doesn't regret in the long haul, would admit to moments of regret.

Kate Kenner (215)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 2:41 pm
With every choice something is gained and something is given up. I am sure there are women who regret having become mothers but maybe for them it was not a choice. Not every woman wants to be a mother. I have one daughter and I love here dearly. I gave her all of me and that is not a good thing. She has no desire for children and I respect that. In fact I would not want to raise a child in this day and age-mine is 28. It is a crappy world out there. I would not judge someone who does regret having had children but i would expect her (and the father if there is one) to not ever ale that child feel like a mistake. Parenthood is to be taken seriously no matter how you feel about itl.

Kate Kenner (215)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 2:46 pm
I may have issued the gist of this article but in the end I think the choice to have kids or not have them is to be respected. Why should all women be expected to bear children? I would have been fine if I and not given birth but I did and there have been times, to be honest, when I wondered if I should have done so but I have a great daughter and in some ways it was a very good decision and some way it wasn't .As I said my daughter has no interest in kids. She will get no arguments from me. I respect those who know enough to not have them when they don't want them. IT seems that society should stop stereotyping women as bevy makers and thinking that every women craves motherhood.

Birgit W (160)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 2:55 pm
Being a mom is the hardest job ever, but it is also the most rewarding job for sure, and it makes you grow up pretty fast. :-) Thanks for sharing.

margaret cochran (41)
Wednesday June 29, 2016, 6:23 pm

Janet B (0)
Thursday June 30, 2016, 12:30 pm

Trish K (29)
Thursday June 30, 2016, 4:24 pm
Discussion really muddies the waters. The question I read was , Is it possible to regret becoming a mother ? Yes, of course it is.
I know many mothers who love their children but regret having children for many reasons. Some are personal some are social and on and on. What's to debate ? Feelings ?

Sam H (410)
Thursday June 30, 2016, 4:44 pm
These are valid points, Trish! I meant to come back and post something about this topic, but somehow life got in the way!

Let me see if I can get rid of life and do it!

Colleen L (3)
Thursday June 30, 2016, 4:47 pm
I would think anyone would think twice, before even conceiving. Thanks Sam

Dawnie W (250)
Friday July 1, 2016, 12:25 am
❤️Noted with interest❤️
❤️ Thanking you kindly for sharing this information❤️
💕💛ღ❤️Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ💕♥L💜ve, Hugs and Peace go with you all♥💕Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤️ღ💛💕

Margie FOURIE (148)
Friday July 1, 2016, 1:48 am
Never, ever, ever.

Iona Kentwell (129)
Saturday July 2, 2016, 3:52 am
The conversation that seems to be taking place in Germany is awful. I thought we were working through these issues slowly in Australia, but now I think we're doing much better than many other countries. Raising children can be very hard. It takes everyone in society taking responsibility, not just the immediate family.

Lindsay K (6)
Saturday July 2, 2016, 7:49 am
Noted. Thanks for sharing.

I have 3 adult children and love being a mother. But it is hard work, and rewarding and delightful and exhausting and expensive and each woman should make up her own mind and not be pushed into it by anyone or anything or any organisation, because once a child has been born, it is down to the parent(s) to care for and be responsible for that child until he or she reaches maturity.

Uno D (666)
Monday July 4, 2016, 6:59 am
Motherhood ... parenthood ... should be a well thought-out choice. A mother who "regrets" having a child shouldn't have had one in the first place.

I am a mother. I will never regret it.

Calliope Muse (7)
Tuesday July 5, 2016, 4:01 pm
Weeeeellll.....The article is a little strict..towards moms..but,I belive that you can judge somebody if you are not in his shoes...There must be reasons..serious ones..So there are laws too...serious ones...
Plus (sorry guys) why dads are doing it all the time?

Melania P (123)
Wednesday July 6, 2016, 4:53 pm
Of course it happens and it is more common than we know. This does not surprise me at all, women keep silence when it comes a lot of things because of what "society will think". I don't see anything wrong in regretting a child either. I wish a lot of children didn't come to the world in the first place for so many reasons. Thanks for posting
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