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N.R.A. Can't Believe How Well National Conversation About Guns Is Going ~~ Andy Borowitz

US Politics & Gov't  (tags: abuse, americans, congress, corruption, crime, dishonesty, ethics, Govtfearmongering, gun violence, HUMOR )

- 2009 days ago -
Because of what appeared to be a new resolve to finally do something about gun violence, he said, "I was concerned that the national conversation about guns would turn into something uglier, like congressional action." ***HUMOR***


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Kit B (276)
Thursday March 21, 2013, 12:57 pm
Photograph by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the national conversation about guns enters its fifth month, the National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre gave it his seal of approval today, saying that he hopes the conversation continues “forever.”

“I must admit, when the national conversation about guns started in those dark days of December, I thought it was a bad idea,” said Mr. LaPierre. “People kept saying that things would be different this time, and that scared the bejesus out of me.”

Because of what appeared to be a new resolve to finally do something about gun violence, he said, “I was concerned that the national conversation about guns would turn into something uglier, like congressional action.”

“Fortunately, that danger seems to have passed,” he said.

The N.R.A. leader said that he expects his organization to continue to take an active role in the national conversation about guns as it moves forward: “We want to talk about an assault-rifle ban. We want to talk about background checks. We want to talk about anything else that we know will never happen.”

But while Mr. LaPierre “can’t believe how well the national conversation is going,” he said that the N.R.A. would remain vigilant in keeping the conversation from “veering off into concrete remedies that will actually change things.”

“We’ve had five months of talk, and that’s a good start,” he said. “But now is the time for more talk.”

By Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |


Kit B (276)
Thursday March 21, 2013, 12:59 pm

Some times Andy gets so close to the truth it's chilling. I can believe that La Pierre probably does think this, though of course, would never actually say this.


David C (29)
Thursday March 21, 2013, 3:21 pm
And it must be nice for La Pierre to know that GOP will vote no as well!

JL A (281)
Thursday March 21, 2013, 7:30 pm
Sad that assault weapons ban and universal background checks have already been stripped out in the Senate.. I don't remember voting the NRA or LaPierre in to office--how did that happen anyhow?
Thanks for a tearfilled LOL dose of AB Kit.

Kit B (276)
Friday March 22, 2013, 5:32 am

First we have a man like La Pierre, who shows no human emotion, and his very big, well financed lobby. Next, is the sales job to scare Americans into thinking a modicum of rational and reasonable thinking about guns, will slide us all into a "slippery slope" of an overnight fascist dictatorship

The latest Quinnipac polls showing:
Would you support or oppose a law requiring background checks on people buying guns at gun shows?" with 92% of the American public that favor this law, and 80% still supporting a ban on "assault or military weapons."

This about delay tactics. Keep waiting till the public forgets. In Australia the move to end violence was done in two weeks after the last massacre, and since that time there have been no more massacres. The NRA lobby could care less about the public safety of the American people, they are far more interested in selling guns, this is a manipulation of fear, manufactured fear.


Phillip Wood (210)
Friday March 22, 2013, 6:07 am
This only changes if we contact our representatives repeatedly, on the phone and in written letters.

paul m (93)
Friday March 22, 2013, 9:22 am

Noted ( sorry Kit can't write much to day as I'v had an eye op)

Sandra ;atterson (59)
Friday March 22, 2013, 10:10 am

Arielle S (313)
Friday March 22, 2013, 10:42 am
Congressional action? That IS funny. We should all have jobs where we get to do nothing and then go on recess.
Humor aside, I'm guessing that Mr. LaPierre does not realize that people are not going to give up on this one.

Kit B (276)
Friday March 22, 2013, 10:46 am

Think so? I hope that is true but I'm not holding my breath.

Joanne Dixon (38)
Friday March 22, 2013, 12:19 pm
Getting harder and harder to write satire when reality is so fantastic. Yeah, I'm not holding my breath either.

If you want text messages on background checks from Gabby Giffords' and Mark Kelly's group, text the word SOLUTIONS to 90975 or go to and sign up.

Greg K (1)
Friday March 22, 2013, 1:30 pm
I really hope the next right wing nut with a gun doesn't shoot anyone but if he has to, I hope a few lobbyests,right wing politicians or billionaires who bribe politicians are targeted. Watch that 2nd amendment obstacle drop right out of consideration then. As long as the victims are not rich and powerful there is very little chance anything will be done on this issue.

Lois Jordan (63)
Friday March 22, 2013, 4:31 pm
Thanks, Kit....yes, Borowitz does have a way with words.
Finally watched the Piers Morgan-Michael Moore interview. Wow! That was amazing. And, my understanding is that something has impacted Harry Reid to somewhat modify his tune....wondering if this is what did it. Moore asked every viewer to contact Reid at his e.mail address ( and tell him to include an Assault Weapons Ban, universal background checks, and a ban on multiple clips in the gun bill. I guess ol' Harry got a mountain of responses. No way is this over....we are just beginning.

Past Member (0)
Friday March 22, 2013, 4:46 pm
They have been talking since that school massacre I cant see any one is serious about doing anything about gun laws Its all just talking and more talking

Noted thanks

Shirley B (5)
Friday March 22, 2013, 5:48 pm
I agree, Kit. Delay is all we get now. None of the congressmen or senators have the cojones to do anything about anything. Exceptions but not enough of them.

Kit B (276)
Friday March 22, 2013, 6:18 pm

Congress needs to grow a pair....of ovaries.

Birgit W (160)
Friday March 22, 2013, 6:56 pm

. (0)
Friday March 22, 2013, 7:46 pm
Great article.

John Coleman (18)
Friday March 22, 2013, 7:48 pm
it got stopped because too many Demagogue Party senators were going to loose next year when they ran if they went along with this anti choice and anti freedom set of regulations. They hype from the administration and its lackeys in the media is not where most of the people other than the alleged "progressives' gun grabbers were. The run on sales of firearms, ammo, and magazines was the real "opinion poll" and not the phony media releases. You are also seeing a backlash in NY and soon will see one in CO in the ham handed legislation pushed through by radical gun grabbers.

Carla van der Meer (648)
Friday March 22, 2013, 9:15 pm
There are few things which can inspire in me a severe and instant nausea than the NRA.

Helen Porter (39)
Friday March 22, 2013, 10:59 pm
Thanks, Kit.

Laugh and the world laughs with you.

Cry and you cry alone.

reft h (66)
Saturday March 23, 2013, 1:47 am
thanks for the article

Julie W (33)
Saturday March 23, 2013, 2:49 am
Funny - but is it? Too close to the truth!

Rose Becke (141)
Saturday March 23, 2013, 4:55 am
Kit you comment on ovaries is Brilliant !

Past Member (0)
Saturday March 23, 2013, 5:34 am
Unfortunately, you just have to appreciate anyone that can take a losing side of an argument and win.

paul m (93)
Saturday March 23, 2013, 6:46 am

More talk ...once there is guns out there and people want them ,,This problem will never go away.

Susanne R (235)
Saturday March 23, 2013, 8:33 am
Great article, Kit. I love anything that makes a fool out of LaPierre --although he does a damned good job without any outside assistance. What frightens me is the NRA's svengali-like ability to turn otherwise sensible people into paranoid fools. If nothing else, LaPierre certainly is persistent. We have to be persistent, too.

robert zank (0)
Saturday March 23, 2013, 9:28 am
is this why people want to keep thier guns?

Vallee R (280)
Monday March 25, 2013, 12:36 pm
People may disagree with me here - but it had been proven - ie Switzerland - where everyone is mandated to own a gun - there is little violence - these are all stagged killings - saying 1 killer but eye-witnesses say more - I would like the truth be told - then let the citizens make up their minds - someone wants to break into my house - well I better be ready to buy a new rug!

Vallee R (280)
Monday March 25, 2013, 12:37 pm
PS - will add - the article is funny - thanks Kit.
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