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Obama, Putin Agree Never to Speak to Each Other Again ~~ Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, HUMOR, society )

- 2221 days ago -
The G8 summit ended today on a constructive note, with President Obama and Russia's Vladimir Putin reaching a broad agreement never to speak to each other again. ***HUMOR***


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Kit B (276)
Wednesday June 19, 2013, 2:07 pm
Photograph by Carolyn Kaster/AP.

LOUGH ERNE, NORTHERN IRELAND (The Borowitz Report)—The G8 summit ended today on a constructive note, with President Obama and Russia’s Vladimir Putin reaching a broad agreement never to speak to each other again.

“It’s better this way,” said Mr. Obama, frostily standing in the general vicinity of Mr. Putin for the last time ever. “We truly despise each other.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Mr. Putin, looking as though he had just smelled something bad. “My hatred of this man knows no bounds.”

According to the agreement, economic coöperation, cyber security, human rights, the war in Syria, and the New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft’s missing Super Bowl ring are among thirty-seven different topics that the two men will never again discuss.

Additionally, at all future summits, if either Mr. Obama or Mr. Putin enters a room the other man will be obligated to leave immediately.

The two men reached agreement on an unprecedented number of points, including never contacting each other via telephone or e-mail and keeping a minimum of five hundred feet away from each other’s residences.

After signing the agreement, the two men shook hands for the final time and scowled bitterly for photographers.

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |


JL A (281)
Wednesday June 19, 2013, 3:27 pm
Thanks for my dose of AB--if he'd waited another day he could have included some nuclear arms content!

Pat B (354)
Wednesday June 19, 2013, 4:02 pm
Thanks, Kit, I got my laugh for the day.! ;-)

Sherri G (128)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 2:18 am
Oh if only it were true - very funny. Thank You Kit noted.

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 7:43 am
Thank you for the laughs! :)

Angelika R (143)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 9:30 am
The previous one about the fathers day cards the NSA "received" was way better, thx Kit.

Ben O (129)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 10:22 am
It's great that they could agree on something! : ~ /

Kit B (276)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 10:28 am

I like any thing Andy offers up for our amusement. Oh for the love of a SuperBowl ring.

Jae A (316)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 10:57 am
Thanks for my morning smiles ! Might even help with a smile all day long actually :-).

Personally , I think they should kiss and make up. Ya know..give peace another chance.

Joanne Dixon (37)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 7:29 pm
Are you sure they wouldn't exchange some interesting diseases if they were to kiss?

Kit B (276)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 7:31 pm

huh oh....Where are you guys taking this??? A little smoochie might warm the conversation.

Siti R (12)
Thursday June 20, 2013, 10:19 pm
thanks for the dose of humor!

Kerrie G (116)
Friday June 21, 2013, 7:36 am
Noted, thanks.

DORIS L (61)
Friday June 21, 2013, 12:49 pm
Now now boys.

Beth Tatum (95)
Friday June 21, 2013, 1:13 pm
Maybe not a bad idea!

Sheri Schongold (7)
Friday June 21, 2013, 1:54 pm
Why am I not surprised?!! It's one of the better laughs I've had so far this year.

Debra Tate (17)
Friday June 21, 2013, 5:53 pm
I was hoping it was true, just so Obama would of been put in his place! Noted and thanks!

Kelly Boyle (16)
Friday June 21, 2013, 6:02 pm
Unfortunately some people will think this is true. Or trying to purposely make our president look bad.

Jeremy S (3)
Friday June 21, 2013, 6:28 pm
Unfortunately, I can believe this, or the diplomatic equivalent, happening all too easily. The Cold War wasn't all that long ago, after all...

I don't think it (a 20th-century style Cold War) will happen again, and I know this was meant as humor (I did chuckle once or twice), but there's an element of truth to most satire.

Kit B (276)
Friday June 21, 2013, 6:30 pm

Few current writers have the ability to master satire as well as Andy Borowitz.

Birgit W (160)
Friday June 21, 2013, 7:20 pm

Past Member (0)
Saturday June 22, 2013, 5:33 am
I agree with Beth!! :-))

Marija M (25)
Saturday June 22, 2013, 8:40 am
Humor is healthy. noted.

. (0)
Saturday June 22, 2013, 9:12 am
Thank goodness they agree on something!

marie T (163)
Saturday June 22, 2013, 5:48 pm
Thanks Kit very funny

Klaus Peters (14)
Sunday June 30, 2013, 4:58 am
Well, at least they do agree on something, had my laugh.
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