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On Women, Love, Sex and Art

Offbeat  (tags: sex, love, growing up, relationships, women, culture, humans )

- 3453 days ago -
A musing and honest look at one male's take on the title subjects and their connections, and a loving farewell to the best of teachers.


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Past Member (0)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 4:01 am
Although I find this article to be both touching and beautiful I cannot help but extract one sentence from the author himself which entirely negates the truth of his ramblings and any serious attempt to evoke compassion or empathy in the reader...

"politically he is a progressive who is very attracted to the philosophy of Anarchy"...

This person is obviously a commie pinko who probably has no time for his country or flag...It is apparent from his lustful writing that he has no respect for men and only scorn for women, and in writing about the lusful sins of the flesh has lain himself open to one believing that he is probably also a pro-abortionist and does not attend church regularly.

Also a person of this ilk may well be one who would not support his country in defending itself from terrorists if so asked. A more despicable person I cannot imagine. He would possibly even consider giving healthcare to those despicable homeless blots on our society who simply do not desrve it.

If, perchance my assumptions are incorrect I wish him well for the future and hope that the traunma of his past will fade with time.

Past Member (0)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 4:41 am
trauma :)

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 4:46 am

I'm glad you dropped by; thank you for that. Now: Are you well, lad? I looked for sarcasm in your uncharacteristic screed and couldn't see it. Am I just too tired, or did your trolley just jump the track? I know I've mentioned in the past that I'm a vet and have already served, honorably. I love my country; I loathe the lying thieves who've taken control of it and are causing so much harm out of sheer greed and a belief that they have the right to decide everything for everyone, having decided that the old, the ill and disabled, the mentally damaged and those who just constitute "too many" by their definition and so are not worthy of life and should be deprived of it. As far as I can see, the Middle Eastern terrorists are those we've created by invading, occupying and robbing their countries - stealing the natural resources and giving none of the benefits of them to the people whose countries they are, and robbing the innocent of this and unborn generations of their lives. I DO very much support our troops: I want them HOME ASAP. As for defending my country against terrorists - I've been doing my very best to vote them out of office, but so far they control too much of the MSM and the machinery of elections. I'm still working on it as best I can.

As for anarchy:

There is probably more rubbish talked about anarchism than any other political idea. Actually, it has nothing to do with a belief in chaos, death and destruction. Anarchists do not normally carry bombs, nor do they ascribe any virtue to beating up old ladies.

It is no accident that the sinister image of the mad anarchist is so accepted. The State, the press and all the assorted authoritarian types, use every means at their disposal to present anarchy as an unthinkable state of carnage and chaos. We can expect little else from power-mongers who would have no power to monger if we had our way. They have to believe that authority and obedience are essential in order to justify their own crimes to themselves. The TV, press and films all preach obedience, and when anarchy is mentioned at all, it is presented as mindless destruction.

The alleged necessity of authority is so firmly planted in the average mind that anarchy, which means simply no government’ is almost unthinkable to most people. The same people, on the other hand, will admit that rules, regulations, taxes, officiousness and abuse of power (to name but a few) are irritating to say the least. These things are usually thought to be worth suffering in silence because the alternative – no power, no authority, everybody doing what they pleased – would be horrible. It would be anarchy.

Any kind of anarchist society would at least be spared the horrible distortions the State produces. The `negative’ side of anarchism- abolition of the State – has to be balanced against what replaces it a society of freedom and free co-operation.

Various sorts of anarchists have differing ideas on exactly how society ought to be organized. They all agree that the State must be replaced by a society without classes and without force. It is because of this belief in freedom that we are reluctant to put forward a rigid blueprint. We offer only possible models backed up by evidence drawn from life. Actually, there has already been an anarchist society and it took nothing less than mass murder to stop it.
There is nothing complicated or threatening about anarchism, except the fearsome arguments it can get you into. Such as the one about the chaos there would be if everyone did just what they wanted. But we have chaos already don’t we? Millions are out of work, whilst others do too much boring, repetitive labor. People starve at the same time as food is being dumped into the sea to keep prices up. Our air is choked by the fumes from cars that contain only one person. The list of crazy, chaotic things that happen is endless.
Even the good’ things that the State does are actually harmful. The Health Service, for example, patches us up just like an industrial repair shop which in a sense it is. It serves to make us dependent on the State and, worst of all, it buys us off cheaply. It prevents us from creating the genuine, self-managed Health Service we need, geared to our needs not theirs.

Authorities by their very nature can only interfere and impose things. surely, ordinary people can figure out some way of coping, without planners knocking down their houses to build yet more empty office blocks? It is a basic anarchist principle that only people who live in an area have the right to decide what happens there.
All this chaos, we believe, arises from authority and the State. Without the ruling class and its need to keep us in bondage, there would be no State. Without the State we would be in a position to organize freely for our own ends. Surely we couldn’t make a worse mess than we are stuck with already? Free organization could provide a much greater orderliness than a society that concentrates on the systematic robbery and suppression of the majority of its members.
Our rulers claim to be protecting us from each other. Actually they are more interested in protecting themselves and `their’ property from us.

Ian MacLeod:
And so on. Anarchy is NOT chaos – it is “without government.” No hierarchy composed usually of the relative handful of wealthy at the top making the most important of decisions for the vast majority of working people at the bottom, with gradations between the two. The idea is to move up the ladder of wealth and thereby have as few wealthy above you as possible, and so to have the maximum amount of liberty available to you. It fosters a destructive competition that is bound to be “won” by those who are innately the most vicious and the least ethical who, once they’re at the top as well-practiced sociopaths, can then exercise their viciousness and destructiveness against the largest number of people at a time possible with the object of “winning it all,” also known as “Ruling the World.” Our current crop of “elites” are playing for just those stakes now.

I hope you get to feeling better.


Pamylle G (458)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 5:37 am
Just lovely ! Thanks, Ian for penning these beautiful words, and David, for forwarding.

Gloria L (58)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:08 am
Thanks David for the early morning surprise.
Ian - let's hear it for anarchy! I like circular government, the hoop of life. "The price of Freedom is Eternal Vigilance" watching out for the authoritarians of all ilks. Keep up the good work! Gloria

Past Member (0)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:11 am
Hi you naughty girl Pamylle :-)

As an ex engineering design draftsman myself, (now graphic designer "pretending to be retired") I have no hesitation in congratulating you on your very eloquent 'draftsmanship' and wish you well in your care2 'travels'.

Your story was a tonic well received and has cured any illness that may have been present...Thank you Ian.

Marion Y (322)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:57 am
Dear, sweet Ian ~ Simply a beautiful and profound love story. I was moved (and amused) by your delicate and innocent take on women and sexuality. But then, the story changed to your beloved. My heart opened up when I learned you are the author and your beloved passed away not long ago. Aside from your excellent writing and allowing the reader to get lost in your tale, I appreciate the deeper life messages within that you weave throughout.

I hope everyone who passes through reads your blog entirely. One of the most beautiful love stories I've ever read! Thank you. You are truly an asset to the Care2 community and I'm honored to be your friend.

Gloria L (58)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:59 am
Just read On Women, Sex, Love and Art and I just love the feelings and humor you express.
It takes me back...

Laurie W (189)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 7:02 am
Ian, I was pleased to see you decided to submit this, and David I find your opening comment quite in character. You do like goading the reader with unexpected words, and personal assumptions to get the grey matter working. I 've always referred to it as reverse beautifully.
Ian..your words would be viewed by many as an 'anarchist's views on society's viewpoint of our humanist side" Open honesty.acceptance of the sensual nature within us,and undying love for another will be viewed by some as 'exposing your belly'..and by the way I'd personally say most women are not comfortable exposed..but by nature try to please.True acceptance of one's self is acquired when we trust,and recognize acceptance of our flaws as invisible by the one's we love. For alot of men and women 'love is blind' is one truthism we're hoping is not another smoke screen

Past Member (0)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 7:39 am
From the simple side of the tracks.... a great read. How lucky your woman was to have you.

Sheryl G (359)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 7:47 am
Congrats on your first news submission Ian....we'll look forward to many more in the future I hope.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 9:42 am
Glad to know you’re well, lad! :>) You’re most welcome! So, were you a job-shopper or work direct? I spent about a total of two years direct, then went shopping, myself, mostly in the LA area – El Segundo, Wilshire, Sherman Oaks, Beverly Hills; just couldn’t resist the pay. I’m a professional musician; anyone who’s interested can email me and I’ll send some URLs for YouTube and three originals I wrote and performed that some dear friends in Germany added CGI video to. I have a gift for Art, like my two siblings. My brother and I chose music, our sister draws, paints, etc. There was a time in my life I thought I’d chosen the wrong art; I’d never managed to talk a woman into undressing so I could write a song about her… Well, since my marriage I’ve been content with the choice; she loved her song! And David, many thanks for bringing folks to this offering of mine. May the Foo Bird ignore your presence! Nvwhtohiyada!

Thank you for the kind words! I’m always glad – and reassured – to know that something I wrote carried the feelings I wanted them to across to others. That’s a wide, wide gap sometimes, and bridging it a chancy thing. Good to know I still can!

I’d love to see anarchy as our official non-government! If people are left to themselves and aren’t constantly “bossed” by “experts,” they generally step up, get together and just solve whatever comes up. The assumption that “government knows best” - especially when the evidence to the contrary is so overwhelming! - has always ticked me off! I wonder if people are ever going to realize, en masse, that ALL government is parasitic, scraping wealth off the top if it’s a “good” one, boring holes throughout society like it’s a Swiss cheese if it’s a poor one. This one’s all set for a Reuben… Thinking about all of this to write it down took me back as well! You know, I can still see that young girl at the drive-in! I can see her, I remember the smell of her hair, her perfume, other things… I wonder if she remembers me, and how?

Thank you! It’s still hard for me to realize I’m alone now in this house. The love story I lived WAS beautiful, but credit where it’s due! As I said earlier, she was a wonderful teacher. She was also my lover, my companion, the most wonderful best friend to share anything with, my hero… I just got very, very lucky! If I was able to share with some clarity and accuracy some of the wonder and sweetness she gifted me with, I’m pleased! I wish you all could have known her. Something she showed me was that innocence can be regained, not as the ignorance it was when I was young, but as an undemanding and unassuming openness that we can fill and color in in each other together. I would wish a love like ours for everyone.

Thank you; I hope the editing I did improved it? And as for trust and acceptance, perhaps I’ve just been fortunate in being trusted as much in my life as I have, then. And I don’t know if love is blind, or if it actually sees more clearly! Seeing what others call “flaws” as badges of honor and marks of character – isn’t that seeing in more depth, instead of in a simplistic, materially perfectionist way? Looking at a picture of her, seeing her now in my mind, I can’t separate who she was from how she looked, or from what I remember. The spray of freckles across the bridge of her small nose with a few here and there elsewhere on her otherwise fair, soft skin. She was a physically strong woman and loved the outdoors. She worked mostly as an accountant, but her favorite job ever was working at a feedlot, throwing big hay bales around, driving trucks, handling creatures that weighed up to eight or ten times what she did! And once an ex husband – whom I know – got drunk and tried to take off with their son having decided the boy should live with him. She stood out in the middle of the street in front of this house and shot the tires out from under his pickup! This sweet, gentle, shy and quiet lady – who also poached a deer one year when work was scarce. (She was a better shot than I am with a hand gun).

I’m glad you liked it! I was the lucky one, though, or maybe we both were. I know that others in her past weren’t there for her, and at least one needed to tear her down in order to feel “manly.” I met him too, and disliked him before that from seeing what my beloved expected from me after having been with him off and on for some years. She was an intelligent, competent human being, but for a time at first she didn’t believe in herself. Years of that sort of treatment wears you down. I know. We made each other whole is, I guess, the best way to say it. The most true, anyway. And thank you again!

Looking forward to it myself! I enjoy writing; the hard part is to make it reasonably short. No luck so far, but I’m working on it!

Thank you, all! I’ve really enjoyed this. It’s also been nice writing something other than political. I get very emotionally involved in what I write – as if you couldn’t tell – and the emotions that politics bring out are not healthy as a steady diet. Take good care then, folks. I’ll write more, we’ll see aht we’ll see.



Suzanna van der Voort (271)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 10:53 am
Thanks Ian for sharing and David for forwarding this lovely message!
I wish you all the best I can wish and I hope to see more from you.

JoAnna B (386)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 11:07 am
Thaks Ian..Wonderful we are capeable to feel love and be loved..

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 11:32 am
Suzanna and JoAnna,

Thank you! I hope to publish many more, but some will be VERY political. There's too much wrong for it not to be.
Meanwhile, though, I think if ANYTHING is, love is a gift! It's uniquely mammalian, and for humans, I believe the depth of love we can find ourselves in, and find in our Selves is on of the greatest if not THE greatest gifts we have. It is a life-changing event, a soul-shaping, life-redirecting, personality-strengthening EVENT ! I find after a relationship I would once have called a Fairy Tale, I am somehow a more complete and balanced person, a more whole human being. Ans she was more secure in herself as well. We completed each other, and the being we created between we two called "Us" was a person we could count on, and call on at need.

It was wonder full.


Lone W (1428)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 11:53 am
Thank you Lan for a great story

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 11:55 am
Osiyo! Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!


Kerstin Strobl (123)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 12:30 pm
It's a wonderful story and the comments are inspiring, thanks

Tierney G (381)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 12:45 pm
Very interesting and beautiful story Ian Thanks

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 1:16 pm
Kerstin, Lone Wolf and Tierney -
Thank YOU! I hadn't really thought that this piece would have much appeal to others, but a friend thought otherwise. I never could judge my own creations that way, music or anything else. She was right!, and I'm really glad you got something from it. I learned a bit myself from writing it, too. A fair exchange.


Hailey Miloni (3)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 1:17 pm
Thank you Ian for allowing us this rare glimpse into such a wonderful love story. It is heartwarming to know there is such love and hope we all can find someone who impacts their lives as much as your beloved. Many blessings and much love to you

Alan T. (0)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 2:12 pm
As an anglo saxon European may I just say say what a lovely article. I have to say I am surprised that such a beautiful message with its sexual references got past the American censors (remember in American films in any bedroom scenes the actors had to have their feet on the ground - or should that read the floor?). Anyway I know that with american films thousands can be maimed/killed with lots of ketchup, but two people enjoying nookie?

Pete Conrads (91)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 2:39 pm
Ian, You painted the most amazing picture of enduring love, the textures were so real so much so that one yearns for what is and wht was but like you, we will be there soon too.

Thank you my friend for sharing such an amazing account of humanity at its best!


Laurie W (189)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 3:04 pm
Alan..I have stated the same fact so many times..the viewing audience stares mesmorized at acts of unthinkable violence and blushes and averts their eyes when confronted with sensual visions. Ass backwards as far as I'm concerned.I'd also like to add the it's inspirational to read how this story moved so many males..Seems we've always been told you were more visual creatures..nice to see otherwise!

David Gould (155)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 5:46 pm
Ian, I was deeply touched by this story even with its sad ending...but I guess you would rather have had those 15 years than not. I loved the way in which you started with all the embarrassments of growing up as a teenage male and not being able to hide your the body grows with us over the years and although it develops many shortcomings due to the aging process that little (?) problem of youth soon matures into a more stable and sustainable love. Love is something that also matures and to have had a partner who is both your best friend and your lover is in itself a gift beyond compare.

As I have aged so the binary system of the genders has blurred for me and i find incresingly that i have both a masculine and feminie side that have to be balanced...also I find that my partner also has this so that my masculine compliments her feminine and her masculine compliments my that way we have melded into a unit as you also found in your own way.

Parting is sad. Grief is no stranger to me. I can locate in yours the longings and the rewards that this union brought you. Indeed it is better to have been loved than to have loved from affar. I hear this is your first newstory...I hope that you get the gold note as it touches our hearts...and that is what Care2 has...great hearts. May yours be warmed by the love that i feel in these comments here on your story.

. (0)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:24 pm
noted thank you

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:44 pm
Thank you for your comments and your careful reading, Yes, as time passes, we change, hopefully grow. And you're right - if I had the chance to do it all again, pain and all, I'd take it in a hot second! I'm happy for you and your partner - after a lot of failed relationships and stupid mistakes, like all the most important things in my life, I just kind of tripped over this one, but at least I had the sense to grab on with both greedy hands and do everything I could to keep it! She took the lead in areas where she was comfortable with it and I did my areas - except sometimes we traded; more or less cross-training. :>)

We knew from the beginning that one of us would likely go first; I just really thought, as damaged as I am, it would be me. She was nine years older than I, but she was very healthy and strong. Life plays these tricks. I WISH I could play my new song for you folks, but I haven't been able to record it yet. I've only been able to play it live over the phone for a few friends. David, sometimes we luck out, and that's really the long and short of it. We may have the sense to glom onto something this special, but we have to find it in the first place, and that's just plain old dumb luck! What amazed me was I was disabled when we met! I've had 6 back operations now, have permanent nerve damage and chronic intractable pain for 26 years. The VA got into the political end of the Drug War and forced me out, so I'm stuck with about 1/3 of what I need to function, She loved me anyway, fought for me when she wouldn't fight for herself. How incredible. In her last few months, shortly after the VA destroyed my med regimen and crippled me, we had actually decided on suicide. There was no help, she'd asked about the Death With Dignity act because it hurt her watching me tear myself apart trying to care for her. We were stuck in an increasingly toxic house I couldn't clean, both of us going downhill while the VA kept playing dominance games. We decided to go to a magical palce we love in the woods and just die together that way instead of watching each other suffer like that. A week before we would have carried it out I lucked into a new doctor in the area who gave me far too little medication, but enough, barely. So I was there for her every second, even though went from about 210 pounds to 143, and she from 135 to 74. It was a long, hard time, and she was very patient with me.

I think I'm babbling here; I couldn't sleep most of last night; up about every 30-45 minutes. Bad case of the stupids here. Thank you, all, for your generous comments and for paying attention to this diary. It is the first one here. I published a LOT of political stuff on another blog that the DOJ destroyed recently. The Pain Relief Network. Almost our whole story is in their archives. Something - one more thing I'd like to share: I'm a professional musician, and I wrote a song for the love of my life some time before we met. I played it for her and she KNEW it was hers; it always will be.Recently a dear friend in Germany put it and two others to a CGI video and put them on YouTube. Her song always made her cry. This is it, and I hope you all enjoy it!

And the other two; all are about relationships:

Bless you good folks! I've GOT to go fall down. G'night!


Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:47 pm
David, I forgot to mention: I did get a Gold Note, thanks! Also got put on the Front Page not long after posting! The readers here are so kind. It's a good place to write something new and try it out. New for me, anyway. Most of mine the last decade has been political writing.

Once more:

Good night, all!


Tim Redfern (581)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:55 pm
Ian, my dear friend,
it took me awhile to get to this,
but I want you to know I have saved it in my "favorites"
and will be reading it freequently and soon again.
You are as gifted a writer as you are a songwriter/musician.
Following our (very early) morning phone conversation, I understand
you far better than I did before. You have my constant and eternal sympathy on the passing
of your beloved Dorothy.
btw, you really DO sound like Gordon Lightfoot when you sing! :-)
Namaste', my dear brother.
I wish you God's richest blessings, and many pain-free days.

Tim Redfern (581)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 6:57 pm
David, thank for the forward!
And, regarding your opening comment,
as we say here in the States,
"You're a pistol!" :-)

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 7:03 pm
Thanks, Tim! That was a really great talk; I enjoyed it very much. I hope Jill is doing well? and about Gordie, that's a compliment, so thank you again! As I said, there are a lot of good people in here. About Dorothy/Koloneh, what can I say? She was the love of my life. I'll miss her for as much of forever as I get, but I also have all the gifts she gave me as well; those I get to keep, and the love is very much one of those! another thing I've written before is that much of what I like best about myself came to me in gift from her. I wish you all could have known her.

Nvwhtohiyada, tohiju!


Joycey B (750)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 9:17 pm
Thank You for this Ian.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 9:20 pm
You're welcome, Joycey. Thanks for reading and commenting! I'm glad you took something you value away from this - or so I choose to read your thanks. :>)


Bobby A (4)
Saturday January 9, 2010, 11:05 pm
A tad bit similar at the end to my own story. Once you find "the best" you don't go shopping again. The great treasure of your life always travels with you, even though her physical form is not there to hold. The journey is sweeter knowing that you were once loved and that it was real.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Sunday January 10, 2010, 1:04 am
That's true, and I find I have a hard time explaining that to people - why I'm not lonely. As I say, I'm more ... complete... than I was before her. Nice to know there are some others who understand, Bobby.

Thanks for weighing in!


Ian MacLeod (79)
Sunday January 10, 2010, 1:42 am
Here's something else I can share:

I want...

to make you laugh - at me, with me, in bed or elsewhere...
because laughter is balm for the soul;

to make you cry...
because you're so happy, it has nowhere else to go;

to make you scream...
because you couldn't help it, and didn't realize you were doing it until afterwards;

to make you smile...
because no one can laugh all of the time.

I want you to know every second of every day how much I love you…
because sometimes I'm selfish.

Ian to Dorothy

Tinkie K (71)
Sunday January 10, 2010, 1:54 am
Thanks for this :-) - very good.

SuS NoMail Plez P (244)
Sunday January 10, 2010, 4:45 pm
Thank you Ian! You are truly blessed with such a gift...talent for writing! You are truly blessed with such PASSION and such a good HEART! I cannot believe this is your first article...AMAZING! I am looking forward to reading MANY more chapters of your life. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul. Noted...of course! WADO and NVWADIIGUTADV {I'm studying the Native "Laws" and culture}. PEACE be with you, today and all the days to come! Love, Susanne

Ian MacLeod (79)
Sunday January 10, 2010, 5:46 pm
So you're Ani Yunwya! Or at least in part, as am I. Nvwhtohiyada! That's 'peace to you!" I couldn't find the meaning of your word. ? It's only the first here; I've been writing off and on all my life, but did a lot on the Pain Relief Network until it was destroyed recently buy the DOJ with the help of a Bush-era appointed complicit judge. The surviving founder, Siobhan Reynolds got between the DOJ and a compassionate (and innocent) physician they'd targeted for imprisonment. Of course, she lost, and they destroyed her blog and beggared her. I suppose she was lucky in a way - she still has her liberty, for now at least.

You'll be seeing a lot from me here on chronic pain. I'd like to be able to publish it directly, but haven't found out how yet. Anyway, I'm glad so many people enjoyed this! I know it hits a nerve that goes unstimulated in too many lives. I hope that changed!


Kit B (276)
Sunday January 10, 2010, 6:00 pm
Ian, you write so well, and I am sorry it was so late by the time I got here. Been resting a migraine and just got your message. I am not surprised as even your comments are well thought out, with excellent composition - oh hell that was the teacher. Thanks - I really enjoyed reading that, it was great of you to share.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Monday January 11, 2010, 5:28 am
Thank you, Kit. One of my dearest friends happens to be a teacher, and besides, I understand the urge to proofread. I just DO it without thinking about it, myself. So, another native Texan? I'm from Corpus, now in Oregon. I NEED mountains and forests! There's a lot I love about Texas, but dig a hole, and sure enough SOMEone will come along and name the pile of dirt next to it... Seriously, thank you for the compliments, and for taking the time. I'm mostly an autodidact and a voracious reader, so writing can apparently be learned by immersion. So to speak. One of my happiest summers was spent on the beach reading two to three books a day! The librarian started testing me to see if I was really reading all those books!

There seem to be a lot of nice youngsters like yourself; people who are generous to newcomers, and very open themselves, something I very much appreciate.


Ian MacLeod (79)
Monday January 11, 2010, 5:31 am
Meant to add, Kit - you have my sympathy and empathy. I've had migraines since I was eighteen. You know, the pain finally stopped a few years ago; now i just go blind and feel weird.

I still say Murphy designed this planet, it was built on government contract, and I woke up on the wrong one about thirty-five years ago and haven't found the way back yet...


Abdessalam Diab (145)
Wednesday January 13, 2010, 1:51 am
How sweet is the story !!! I liked it.It took my heart and feel I have to read it again and again. Lovely my friend.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Wednesday January 13, 2010, 2:49 am
شكرا لك ، يا صديقي! Some things, it seems, touch the heart whatever language the mouth speaks. A lesson I so wish more people would learn: we are all much more alike than we are different. It would be better if we could learn to speak to what we have in common and listen from the places where we are the same. She was a sweet lady; you would have liked her and she you.

Sandy v (91)
Sunday January 24, 2010, 12:04 am
Thank you for the beauty in life. Many will never know what you are saying or understand. I know I am slow but don't get on much anymore and did this tonight. I pray for your happiness and loving memories as they can keep you warm and content within.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Sunday January 24, 2010, 2:35 am
They do, Sandy! (And thank you). I miss her, but I'm not lonely.


Aisha M (613)
Sunday January 31, 2010, 12:27 am
salaam Ian-this is stunningly beautiful, harmoniously written (for surely two have become one in many ways)memories-what divine and loving soulmates you two were and are-a blessing that sadly many may never experience...shokran for sharing-my heart applaudes your love...

Ian MacLeod (79)
Sunday January 31, 2010, 3:45 am
Salaam, Aisha - Thank YOU. It was something that surprised me completely. We Americans especially are often raised to believe that the "fairy tale love" we read or hear about or that makes us cry in the movies will happen to us one day; we have only to wait, or to look for it. The expectation often ruins relationships when friction begins to happen. And the disillusionment when we finally give up and stop believing it's possible is a painful time. So when it did happen, it took me some time to realize it. And you know, when I finally admitted it to myself and then finally told her, "I love you," she grinned at me and just said, "I know." :>)

I just got lucky, and happened to have the wit to recognize it. There've been times in my life when I would not have. I'm so glad it touched you, and these others. She deserves recognition, and I wish she was here to enjoy it. Although she'd probably feel uncomfortable; I was the showman in the relationship; she was shy about notoriety. But you're very welcome!

السلام -- والحب (Peace - and love!)


Amena Andersson (187)
Saturday February 6, 2010, 12:54 pm
Came late to the table but enjoyed the feast no less for it. I have tears on my cheeks and some envy for your blessing. Thank you, Ian, for telling me about what it is to be a warm, loving, human male, from childhood to maturity. You have opened my eyes and my heart.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Saturday February 6, 2010, 2:25 pm
Thank you for reading with an open mind and an open heart. I just wanted you to know that there are men out here who aren't afraid of loving or of showing how they feel. Some of us are caretakers, artists, and many, many of us are trying hard to learn. I was lucky in having had some wonderful, patient teachers, of whom my beloved was the last and best. I've heard the complaints that "all men are" whatever, and it just isn't true; all men aren't anything but men. If a woman can only see any or all of us through the lens of the macho idiots out there and what they do, though, then she'll never see the quiet, caring ones and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm so glad you read this and understood! I wish you all the good fortune there is.


L X (529)
Thursday July 15, 2010, 7:24 pm
I'm glad to have "met" you here, Ian. Thank you for your wonderful writing. If you'd like to self-publish on a writing site, you can post a limited number of items free at I'm sorry to hear that you lost your wife, and that you are in chronic pain. May things go better for you.

Ian MacLeod (79)
Thursday July 15, 2010, 7:29 pm
Thanks, Lisa! Glad you enjoyed the piece. It was sort of therapy for me.I had just been through Hell by the long road when I wrote it, and as I heal, I'm realizing how bad off I was. At the time I was just writing. Like with music, I do it because that's what I do. And thank you; I'm working on healing still. Need some time in the woods, and to get my chops back and go perform.

Take Care!


Carol Dreeszen (346)
Thursday January 27, 2011, 10:32 am
Ian..What an excellent story!! If only the world were full of more men like you with the true appreciation for the art and beauty of what a woman is all about! Your wife was a very lucky woman to have you and I can see where you were lucky to have her judging by the manner that she apparently taught you in the feelings of a woman. After all things don't just happen but they can be learned by living them and of course it always helps if there is already the wisdom and knowledge of appreciation for the art form of communication! It sounds like the both of you did well in that field! As a result the rest could do nothing but get better for each of you! In todays society if more men had the outlook that you have when it comes to life, love, sex and relationships there would be a much happier world with less divorce and a non existing domestic violence! Thanks Ian!!

Ian MacLeod (79)
Friday January 28, 2011, 12:49 pm
Thank YOU, Carol! I really did get lucky with her, and I'll always love her. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you for the kind words!

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